The Hairy Plug Monster and Friends

2012-01-20T01:09:00.002Z

With both feet firmly in 2012, I have decided to concentrate on trying to get a more permanent source of income to help get all these projects moving again.

Jim sent me the final pictures for the first book over the weekend and I manages to get the book ready in time for Monday. Unfortunately, Kath didn't like our choice of characters and images which means that we are going to have to go back to the drawing board, literally. Even though it was a disappointment, it was unrealistic to expect to get it right on the first attempt.

The HPM on the other hand has enjoyed several stints at number 1 in the picture book charts and even Be Careful Ethel has managed to get to number 3. The ebook market for younger readers is still in it's infancy even though ebooks themselves amount to 35% of sales.

Urmston Bookshop received several copies of the HPM just before Christmas and have invited me to give a reading on the 28th of January. As it's the first one of the year I hope that some of you can come along to and listen to some old favourites. I am hoping that I will have another story all ready by then...

As you may have noticed, our old website http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/ is sick at the moment and we are working on getting the new website up and running as soon as we can. There are even rumours of a fab HPM game specially made for the website. (but I couldn't possibly comment at this stage.) plus a host of other exciting features.

Darn, I forgot to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

2011-12-28T00:10:00.005Z

I meant to do this earlier, but you know how it is - so little time, so many pies.

Happy Christmas

Its been another pretty difficult year in establishing ourselves amongst the big boys of publishing although in the final week of the year Waterstones placed the HPM no.1 in the Ebook Picture Book Charts and no.77 in the Ebook charts for children. In the whole of the Ebook charts we are 902 out of 4739. (so that's still in the top 20%.

I know this might not sound "whoop" at the moment but I am higher than Connan Doyle, Clive Barker and John Le Carre - ( and they have good PR.) Of course there is a chance that by the time you read this I may have slipped back into oblivion, in which case - take my word for it.

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/leighroy+marsh/samuel+perry/the+hairy+plug+monster+28ebook29/8737770/

*********************************************************************************

Jim sent me some more black and white images to experiment with over the holidays. At the moment I am still toying with the palette and colour scheme of the book -

I never realised that colouring in a spaceman would prove to be so difficult. Most of the good skin colours have been used already i.e. Smurfs, Simpsons, Toy Story, which left very little choice.

The Hairy Plug Monster has Christmas Dinner.

2011-12-15T23:12:00.000Z

Last Christmas I was invited to Hillcrest Grammar School to give a reading to the reception class, Mrs Griffiths who was their teacher at the time had read her grandson's copy of the HPM - and loved it. The kids were brilliant and a couple had even bought in their copies for me to sign. As a special treat, Mrs Griffiths asked if I would write a little Christmas poem, and so I did.

The Hairy Plug Monster has Christmas Dinner

As she stood by the tree, Maya’s eyes opened wide,

There were stars hung all over with chocolates inside,

Tinsel and baubles, with lights wrapped around,

And even more presents that lay on the ground.

On the shelf by the fire -Dad placed a mince pie -

With a nice juicy carrot, so Maya asked “why”?

“You need to leave food for the reindeer”, dad said,

“And Father Christmas wants mince pies, to keep himself fed.

Climbing up and down chimneys, All night isn’t fun,

And he can’t take a break ,when there’s work to be done,

Perhaps you can help?”,dad said with a laugh

“With the Hairy Plug Monster ,Who lives under the bath”

Maya thought for a while

And she smiled and then said -

“Maybe I could…”

And then went off to bed.

A few hours later,

Maya hadn’t slept,

So into the bathroom,

She silently crept.

The Hairy Plug Monster,

Was sat by the soap,

With a floppy red stocking,

All tied up with rope.

Maya asked once again -

“Do you fancy a feed? ”

And the Hairy Plug Monster,

Smiled and agreed.

“We’ve got Mince Pies and chocolates

and a huge Christmas Cake.

There’s even a turkey,

All ready to bake”.

So they tiptoed downstairs,

and walked through the hall,

straight to the kitchen,

to the fridge by the wall.

Maya opened the door,

and they both peeked inside,

And the Hairy Plug Monster’s

One Eye opened wide.

There on the shelf was a large plate of jelly,

A trifle,

and pudding

and cheese that was smelly.

There was mince pies and chocolates,

And cranberry jam,

Sprouts and Potatoes,

And a big piece of ham.

The Hairy Plug Monster,

Jumped onto the shelf,

And in no time at all -

He was helping himself.

Maya said to her friend,

“That’s all we’ve got,

Its Christmas tomorrow,

And you cant eat the lot”.

But the Hairy Plug Monster,

Didn’t reply, he was already munching,

On a tasty mince pie.

He tried out the pudding, and some of the cake.

And then all the sprouts,……….

Yuk…!!!!!!!

What a mistake.

Yuk –yuk yuk yuk

What a funny old taste.

He didn’t like sprouts,

And curled up his face.

The hairy plug monster,

Was hungry no more,

And sat down and sulked,

On the cold kitchen floor.

Maya thought and then said,

“I know just what to do,

Father Christmas is coming,

He’ll be here very soon”.

They went to the front room,

And both peeked inside,

And The Hairy Plug Monster’s one eye,

Opened Wide.

There by the fire was a man dressed in red,

With a big floppy hat,

That was hung from his head.

His belt and his boots were shiny and black,

And down by his side was a huge great big sack.

“Hello Father Christmas”,

said Maya with charm,

And she held out a mince pie

at the end of her arm.

“I’ve come here to help

and make sure that you’re fed

You can sit down and rest while - everyone’s in bed.”

Father Christmas sat down, with the pie on his knee,

While Maya placed presents around the big tree.

“Thank you” said Santa, and started to yawn,

“It’s time that I went, for soon it is dawn”

Father Christmas got back, on his magical sleigh

Gave a carrot to Rudolph, and then flew away.

The Hairy Plug Monster needed a nap,

so he crept back upstairs

And squeezed back through the tap.

His stocking was full of presents and toys,

And a small yellow duck - that made a strange noise.

“What’s that noise?”, said her dad the next day with a shout

“There’s a noise from the hole where the water runs out”

“You know who that is” Maya said with a laugh

“That’s the Hairy plug Monster…..who lives under the bath”.

Can you do this?

2011-12-09T00:29:00.001Z

After the dissapointment of the teaching awards, Jim and I have decided to push ahead with the series of books regardless. Given the speed that Jim can provide the illustrations, we should have half of the series completed pretty soon. At the moment we are meeting during his dinner break each week and trading ideas on the choice of 'pallette' for the characters - the image above is just part of several that we are considering.

I have been given the first 45 key words that children learn to recognise in reception and another 100 that they are expected to know by the end of Y3. Having to write using a restricted vocabulary is a skill in itself, but thankfully one I posses -

I was a reading recovery assistant for a short period of time this year, and one thing I noticed that really used to wind me up is that Publishers are getting away with murder when it comes to producing educational reading books for KS1.

Both Jim and myself are intent on avoiding the same traps that others succumb to and are trying to create an almost 'Seusslike' series of books instead of producing the same 2 dimensional rubbish that my daughter used to bring home when she first started to read.

CAT DOG TORTOISE etc

aaarrgh!!!!! I am sure you must have seen them - they usually open with a small word like DOG and then without any consideration for the reader, they will throw in a word like TORTOISE and expect the child to be able to recognise the word just by showing a picture. I don't know about you but Tortoises are pretty rare where we live and it's really hard to be able to explain the difference between one and a picture of a Mutant Ninja Turtle. (except for the mask)

The River

2011-11-09T00:28:00.000Z

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Steve Ancliffe who runs Popblastworld click here asked me to write material for a new project he is working on. Below are the lyrics to The River, one of the first songs I wrote for him.

The River

The animals were on their way to see the summer fair,

There was cats and dogs and rabbits, weasels, stoats and goats and hare.

But they came across a river and the bridge just wasn’t there,

And they wondered how they’d ever get across to that fair.

Because the river was strong and the river was wide,

And nobody knew how they would get to the other side.

So they put their heads together, to come up with a plan,

And the cats and dogs decided that they would try and build a damn.

So they gathered up some branches and the cats all did the same,

But when they threw them in the dogs all thought it was a game.

And when the animals - put all the sticks into a stack,

The dogs all wagged their tales - and then they brought the branches back.

Well floppy rabbit turned and said to Mr. Percy Pig,

That "we’ve got to cross the river and it’s looking really big.

It’s flowing very fast and it’s really rather wide,

I don’t know if we can ever get across to that side".

Well the river was fast and the river was deep,

And nobody knew how to swim – especially the sheep.

They put their heads together – and went and asked the goat,

And soon they decided - they should try and build a boat,

They didn’t have a hammer and they didn’t have the wood,

They didn’t have the nails so they could build it like they should.

Then the fox put up his paw and said that a great idea,

How they could cross the river – to see the summer fair.

He volunteered to take the animals upon his back,

He could swim across the river and – swim right back.

But the animals decided that they didn’t like his plan,

Remembering the story of the 'Gingerbread Man'.

And the river was wide and the current was strong,

The river was deep and the river was long.

Then the wise old owl had the best idea yet,

To see the summer fair without ever getting wet.

"Every body’s here and we should be over there,
.
We don’t have to cross the river to see the summer fair.

There isn’t any reason why we have to shed a tear,

I think it would be best if we just have the party here.

Because the river’s too fast and the river’s too deep

The river’s too wide and the banks are too steep

The river’s too cold and the current too strong

The rivers too broad and the rivers too long….."

Moving in yet another direction....

2011-11-09T00:07:00.000Z

Last July, Kath Conwell the headteacher at Adswood Primary asked me to come in and meet her, as she had something that she wanted to discuss. Well that's not strictly true, I actually rang her about visiting the school to perform a reading so I could be assessed by Siobhan from the Windows Project - but that's another story.

Anyway to give you a a little bit of background information, Adswood Primary School is in a 'seriously underprivileged area of the borough and when Kath took over the school about 5 years ago - it was classed as a 'struggling school' with low levels of child literacy. 5 years down the line every child is a reader and the energy and enthusiasm for learning, displayed by the teachers, parents and pupils is phenomenal. As I may have mentioned before, there is no other school quite like it.

During my time as a writer I have visited many schools across the North West and in many cases I have been lucky if the Head Teacher could be bothered to even say 'hello' let alone make an effort to learn my name. Kath, however immediately struck me as someone who genuinely has the interests of the school at heart, and not where abouts they are on a government league table. It is soley due to the dedicated efforts of herself and her team that the pupils are achieving great things.

What has this got to do with me? I hear you ask...

Well...Kath has implemented a learning program that incorporates Makaton Sign Language with the learning of the first key words and has given it the catchy title "Sign and Shine". As this scheme is not officially sanctioned, it is taught alongside the incredibly surreal "Letters and Sounds" which concentrates more on the phonics. (having seen both my girls grow up using this rubbish and having been a reading recovery assistant myself, albeit for a short while, I believe that on the whole it doesn't work and merely confuses children more than it assists.)

Each year, Henry Winkler a.k.a "Fonzie" awards a bursary to a school which is already working in special needs and requires funding to support their existing outstanding work and as such Kath entered the Sign and Shine program into the competition and should the school be successful then they would use the bursary to produce a range of learning materials for the program. (this is where I come in) on the application form she advised that a 'local children's writer' with close links to the school would be asked to produce a range of books so the program could be shared with similar schools throughout the region. So on the same day that I rang up the school to see about a reading, Kath was informed that her application had made the final shortlist and the winners would be announced at the televised National Teaching Awards in London on October 30th.

Naturally when Kath asked me if I would like to get involved I jumped at the chance, not just be because of the bursary but because I had seen Sign and Shine in action and knew that it really worked. Writing a series of worthwhile educational books that could genuinely make a difference would give my own career a bit of credibility. I thought of the many ways that Sign and Shine could be presented if I was given the opportunity i.e. Digital Format with video links to actions, audio etc not forgetting the chance to be commissioned to write 12 books (possibly more).

Fast forward 3 months and I found myself on a coach going down to London together with another 15 or so assorted parents and teachers, to join Kath and several other members of staff who were going down on the train.

Before the award ceremony, we went to Bella Italia for some refreshments and half a bottle of wine and a sea bass later, I found myself outside the Palace Theatre in London waiting alongside a thousand or so real teachers all dressed up to our eyeballs.

*********
Unfortunately Adswood Primary didn't win, ( I have deleted an earlier piece I wrote on the award ceremony itself as it seemed too critical of a lot of things that happened that evening.) However, after speaking to Kath the following Monday she seemed adamant that they would secure the funding from somewhere....

Watch this space,

Chili and Walnut Treacle Toffee......My original recipe

2011-11-01T20:15:00.001Z

The HPM was keen to remind you all about this original recipe for a bonfire toffee that bites back,

The Hairy Plug Monster's Chili and Walnut Treacle Toffee

(Caution this recipe will most definitely contain nuts - if you put them in)

50g Crushed Walnuts
1/4 Fresh medium sized red chili finely chopped ( - please bear in mind you are making toffee and not a Vindaloo)
450g Soft Brown Sugar
225g Black Treacle
110g Unsalted Butter
2 tbsp Water
1 tbsp White Vinegar

Place half of the butter into a heavy bottomed saucepan together with the chopped chili and crushed walnuts and warm for a few minutes on a low heat.
Then add the rest of the butter, water and vinegar and heat gently until the butter has melted.
Add the sugar and black treacle, allow to fully dissolve, this takes about 20 minutes.
Boil the mixture to a temperature of 138°C (Not having a thermometer I take my best guess at the temperature, making sure I don't burn it)
Remove from the heat, allow the bubbles to settle.
Pour the mixture into a well oiled 18cm (7 inch) sandwich tin.
When the mixture has cooled a little mark the surface into squares with a knife.
When the toffee has cooled break it up into squares, wrap in cellophane and store in an airtight container.

That's it - it might not score any brownie points with your dentist - but your kids will love it

Image of the Hunter from the story "The Child on the Hill"

2011-10-17T02:29:00.001+01:00

The Child on the Hill

I received another illustration from Jodie to accompany the story "The Child on the Hill" recently and I love it. It shows the hunter and proud father of a newborn son resting by a tree, while in the distance the stag watches in sorrow. Until now, I have been quite secretive about this tale; showing no-one apart from my daughter Arisha - and when she read it - she cried!.

This in itself is quite a compliment, as The Child on the Hill is meant to be sad. It's not shocking or close to the knuckle; there's no blood or gore; nobody dies a gruesome death and there's nothing overtly supernatural about it. It deals more with parental love and the hope and dreams that one has for their children.

It was originally based on an old Japanese tale I once read in an equally old book that I bought for 5 pence at a school jumble sale( that's what they were called in those days.)

Even though the final draft of my story bears no resemblance to the original, I should still credit it as inspiration. However, I have spent quite a few hours trying to find this story again on the internet but haven't had any luck.

In addition to illustrating The Child on the Hill, Jodie has also agreed to do the illustrations for Golden Arm and One-Legged Steve and in return I am going to turn her impressive portfolio into a separate stand alone ebook complete with ISBN number et al ready for sale on t'internet.

The Pot Bellied Cook and the Three Legged Dog

Kim has sent over several rough images for The Pot Bellied Cook and the Three Legged Dog which I shall start work on in November. The finished book should have the same look and palette as Be Careful Ethel.

In an old wooden tavern, quite close to a bog

Lives a pot bellied cook and a three legged dog
He spends all his days making green smelly cheese
While the three legged dog sits and scratches his fleas

High up in a tower, lives the Old Purple Bint
Who drinks nothing but smoothies of onion and mint
She grows all her food in a pair of old boots
And makes soap from the juice of the dandelion root

As I mentioned in an ealier blog - the inspiration for this poem came from several sources, The cook was based on a heavily pregnant friend and the three legged dog was her pride and joy - Colin the whippet who had recently survived cancer at the cost of his leg.

Secondly - one of the first people to buy the Hairy Plug Monster, also blogs and tweets under the name 'The Purple Bint' http://bintgarden.blogspot.com/ (worth more than a cursory visit), and I said would include her character in a poem.

In these days of being 360 degrees PC, it would be unwise to use the word 'Bint' given all the derogatory connotations so over the last week she has undergone a makeover and has been re branded The Old Purple Leach. (sometimes you have to compromise for the greater good)

Download your copy now!!!

2011-10-08T00:42:00.002+01:00

Be Careful Ethel 2.99 GBP
Download your copy now !

Download your copy now!
The Hairy Plug Monster 2.50GBP

Coming Soon:

There's Something wrong with Grandad

Be Careful Ethel ebook published, The Hairy Plug Monster ebook published, and much much more

2011-10-03T23:25:00.001+01:00

It's taken a while to sit down and write another blog, but I've had so many things on the go - I didn't really know where to start. So I will mention them as I remember them.

Firstly, I totally nailed the 'e-pub' issue and now have two titles published on the Waterstones website. Considering I starting from a zero knowledge base three months ago, I am quite "chuffed" that I managed it and can see a definite future for myself as a writer and HPM Media Ltd as a company.

I accept that Ebooks are not 'the only future' but they are going to play a major role for children's picture books in the coming years and I am hoping to be there as a 'playa'.

With sales figures being collated on a daily basis Waterstones, both titles: Be Careful Ethel and The Hairy Plug Monster, have both enjoyed positions in the top 10, and it is only a matter of time before they will eventually occupy the top two positions in the children's e-book charts.

I have already almost finished the Polish translation of The Hairy Plug Monster, and this should be uploaded to the Waterstones server within the next fortnight. The Italian version is underway and the Farsi translation is due to be sent to be typed up this week. I also called on an old friend who seems quite keen to organise the French and German versions, while another older friend is hopefully writing up the story in Russian. Such is the power of social networking. :)

I still haven't quite figured out my marketing strategy for the foreign titles as yet, but to have them registered with their own ISBN numbers and made ready for sale seems a good starting point.

There's Something Wrong with Grandad is also nearing completion; requiring a couple of illustrations by Jodie Muir - and hopefully (this time I mean it!!!!!) I will be going into the studio to record the audio book versions in November. I need to rethink the target age group as 9+ maybe slightly too young for some of the stories: Zombelina and Child on the Hill in particular.

Kim Eagle is working on illustrations for The Pot Bellied Cook and the Three Legged Dog and as soon as I have them I can start work on the book. It will probably be January 2012 before it will be ready to upload, but I am hoping that I will remember everything I have learnt over the last three months and cut the production time in half. One of the benefits of learning the e-publishing process is that I am now in a position to offer this service to other writers and illustrators - with a collection of Jodie Muir's pictures being the first to be published sometime in the very near future as well.

At the end of the month I will be going to London to attend the National Teaching Awards with one of the schools with whom I have built up a good relationship. I cant really say more than that as I don't want to jeopardise their chances of winning, but they will win and I might meet the 'Fonz'

Another 'hush-hush' project involved me nipping to London at the start of the month acting as a consultant for a possible future project with the BBC, but again that is all I am going to tell you at this stage.

Staying in London; I sent off three songs to Steve Ancliffe at Popblast World and am in the process of writing another three for him, I did develop writer's block due to having to assume a certain level of 'geekiness' with the e-pub projects, but hopefully I am over that now. Still inspired by the Children's Media Conference in April this year, I am finalising ideas for a T.V. series involving Popblast World and the band members and hope to have something tangible to present to them in November. Then if I can get them on board, I need to recruit some additional animators and then prepare a bid to entice someone to pay for it.

So that's about it for the time being. It's nice to write about projects that I have completed rather than write about things that might happen.

Still pushing that boulder up the hill.

2011-08-21T22:25:00.000+01:00

Having relegated Spooky Tales to the back burner until something tangible could be done with it - I was asked to do 2 readings at Hudson's Cafe Bar in Cheadle Hulme Precinct during the first two weeks of August. This also gave me a chance to show off my new found skills with CS4 and produce some 'funky' fliers.

Perhaps it's over confidence but I thought seeing as I have produced several fliers for the two readings:

"Why don't I have a go at using the artwork I already have, to produce new images for Spooky Tales?", and while I am at it, "Why not call the collection - There's Something Wrong With Grandad?".

After tinkering about with some images I took at Zombie Aid in 2009 and borrowing some images from Pete Tynan (an established Photo Artist, and old acquaintance) and even taking a still image from a 1940's classic Danish film called Day of Wrath. I have managed to get 4 of the stories illustrated and ready for Epub formatting.

I have asked Jodie Muir to come up with 3 more images for Golden Arm, One Legged Steve and Child on the Hill, and then the book should really be ready.

I know I have promised several times before, but it really hasn't been my fault that there has been a lag between finishing the book and getting it released.

The latter end of July and August also brought with it several other really exciting projects that I can't mention just yet... needless to say that the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to grow brighter and brighter.

Progress means reaching a new level of complications

2011-07-23T01:06:00.001+01:00

I can finally report that after a dozen or so attempts, I have finally managed to get the E-book working...(on Adobe Digital Editions) at least. It has only taken me a few weeks, but has cost me years in additional wrinkles.

Whether I can replicate the process remains to be seen, especially as I had to trawl though hundreds of forums, reading thread after thread of high end techno babble that I really wished I was clever enough to understand.

Eventually after following every piece of advice I finally found a way of obtaining clear images and presenting it like a real e book. I even test ran a few pages on my mobile and they seemed to work fine, unfortunately when I loaded up the whole book I still kept getting error messages. This may be due to the images in The HPM pumping the size of the book up too much.

So now it's on to the next step of getting the book registered and uploaded for sale. Surely this bit can't be hard?.....

Doh!!

The ebook rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper - Somewhere along the was VAT has been applied to ebooks and anybody who wishes to sell them through the appropriate channels has to be registered for VAT. This isn't a major problem, but it is still another delay. In addition to this there are several other hoops we have to jump through to register the e-book with Nielsen Book Data. Again this is going to take time but on the plus side - every book that gets sold will get counted giving our humble publishing company more credibility.

With the HPM out of the way, I can start the ebook process for the subsequent translations and Be Careful Ethel.

It's a bit like catching an eel - you think you have it, but then it's gone again.

2011-07-06T10:41:00.001+01:00

My adventures into e-publishing took a turn for the better after obtaining a copy of Liz Castro's "EPUB Straight to the point". It is widely regarded as the 'must have book' for all things E-pub - and hopefully will point the way.
Over the past week or so I have slowly managed to re-create The Hairy Plug Monster for Digital Editions. At this moment in time there are still quite a few things that I am not happy with; such as the image quality and the texture.

As I only have Adobe's Digital Editions to view it on at present I need to download several more e-readers to check compatibility (If anyone wants to give me an I-PAD to aid my product development then you are more than welcome).

It has also become obvious that at some point in the very near future, I am going to need to learn how to write and decode XHTML. Not specifically for writing websites, although that is not a bad skill to have - but to make amendments in the e-pub file to enhance compatibility. One of the problems I am having, is not knowing which questions to ask. This, in turn has led to being taken to some really high brow websites, where I have found myself reading the text over and over again and not having the faintest idea what on earth they are talking about.

It's a bit like catching an eel - you think you have it, but then it's gone again.

Some sneaky peaks at Be Careful Ethel

2011-06-17T01:08:00.001+01:00

The week seems to have melted into an endless session at the computer as I try to configure Kim's images into book format. My experience with In Design CS4 has now evolved to such an extent that, not only can I alter the font.......

I can now create circles and fill them with colour ...... ( dah-dah).

The trick of course is knowing which colour to fill them with.

10 years ago, all we had to do was publish a book ...

2011-06-08T12:14:00.002+01:00

It seems that to be an independent children’s author and publisher in today’s market – it’s not enough just to write good stories. That has proven to be the easy bit.

When we published The Hairy Plug Monster 18 months ago, we naively thought that it wouldn’t be long before the whole world knows who we are along with commercial endorsements right across the board from branded doughnuts to Theme Park rides….

Imagine that! “Dare you ride The Plugmonster?”

Anyway as this blog has detailed in full – that really hasn’t been the case. Ten years ago we may have stood a chance, but not today.

10 years ago, all we had to do was publish a book or better still get someone else to publish it and live off the earnings. Now the game has changed completely. Just having a book isn’t enough – it now needs to be digitalised and produced in formats that can be delivered to a variety of gadgets.

Because I don't have the luxury that newly crowned children's laurette - Julia Donaldson has by not allowing her books to be sold in this format, I have reassessed my outlook and decided that e-books really are a major part of the future and as a publisher and author it would be a wasted opportunity not to at least have a go.

Not being a total “geek” myself, I have had a few problems getting to grips with the software, slowly overcoming it with a few choice swear words and long periods of self doubt........

It seems to be working.

In one way it seems a 'no brainer' as we are already producing PDF’s to send to the printers for the first edition print run. So, by default we have an e-book in it’s most basic form.

Although a PDF may seem a bit static and not very engaging, it does serve as a useful starting point into the world of E-pub.

In the current version of the pdf HPM I have hidden lots of small treats for enquiring minds to look for:
strange noises, music, theme tunes, speeches by MAYA and the posh and articulate Hairy Plug Monster etc, and in one secret area there is even a narrated version of the unpublished The Hairy Plug Monster goes to town.

At the last count there were over 30 hidden ‘hotspots’ in the PDF.

Although it is an original thought for us, everyone else has been doing it for some time, so even at this early stage in E-volution, we are still in the caves.

The publishing software I am using has already been superseded by an even better one, that allows e-publication in several formats and apparently lets you integrate animation, movies and other tasty bit of software to make the e-book a full 360 interactive experience. (well that’s what it says on the tin).

If you get a chance, have a look at Alice on the I-pad - which seems to have set the standard thgat we all must follow.
Already it is possible to submit the Italian text into The HPM and with some help we can even do the Farsi version that we have had for ages. Now that offering direct translations is a real possibility, I will be calling favours in from all over the World to get translations in as many languages as possible and putting them up on www.hpmmedialtd.com .

One of the challenges at the moment is getting the HPM into a format that is supported by Amazon and Waterstones - The E-pub format isn’t picture book friendly and although there is a way to do it, it involves getting someone else in and paying them far too much money.

Obviously an e-book wont be the same as having a real children's picture book to snuggle up and read to your kids, but it seems that within a few years the I-Pad, Tablet and Smart Phone are going to become part of the furniture in most households.

It is also true that you can download a book for less than it would cost to park your car in town... (well where I live anyway), and it seems inevitable that this market is only going to grow bigger each year, and while other people may have more technologically savvy ebooks,

HPM Media have brilliant stories.

The Hairy Plug Monster.....

2011-05-30T01:22:00.001+01:00

Having seemingly fallen out of love with the local schools (after all it has been quite a while since the launch of the HPM), I was delighted to have a call from Sue Edwards, the nursery teacher at Arden Primary School - who asked if I would like to return and read to her class, naturally I jumped at the chance especially as it meant I could spend the day there and perform to all the age groups and get some feedback on Be Careful Ethel.

The whole day was fantastic as class after class welcomed me back like a long lost friend, (so I must have made quite an impression on my previous visit). I performed 7 readings throughout the day selecting my material depending on the class, unsurprisingly the younger children wanted to hear about the adventures of The Hairy Plug Monster, while the more mature pupils demanded that I scared the 'bejeezus' out of them with Golden Arm, One Legged Steve and There's Something Wrong with Grandad - naturally I obliged.

I almost blushed with pride when one of the teachers proudly showed me her video that she made of The Hairy Plug Monster with narration and everything, and said that it was a firm favourite with herself and all the class.

Be Careful Ethel went down a storm, so it looks like we may have another winner on our hands. As they say on the 'telly' - "Let's go to work".

Early reports from the frontline suggest that Be Careful Ethel is going to be just as popular as The HPM - if not more so

2011-05-23T21:35:00.002+01:00

Having been the only book on the shelf for so long, The Hairy Plug Monster has now had to make room for the new kid in town.

We received the first 'mock up' of Be Careful Ethel this week and it looks superb. We came up with the idea of the promotional clip to boost awareness and have already had a very positive response.

I gave the copy of Be Careful Ethel to Maya-Rose's teacher to test drive on her class, without saying who wrote it and came back with the following:-

Erin: "very good, I liked the King and Queen"

Archie: "Fantastic"

Luke: " Liked that the story rhymed"

Maddy: "I really liked it, I liked the 'dont panic' bits

Louie: " Liked the cheesy teddy bear bit

Rowan: " I liked the cheesy teddy bear bit too!"

Ankita: "I want to buy the book right now"

Harry: "I laughed at the cheese teddy bear bit"

Miss Steyert " The children really enjoyed Be Careful Ethel and laughed throughout. Especially when Maurice spread cheese on his teddy bears. The children joined in with the 'dont panic" bits -

Thoroughly entertaining.

So in a nutshell it looks like its going to be as well liked as the Hairy Plug Monster, but could you do me a favour when it does come out -even though I enjoy being told how much you like my stories,

don't tell me - just tell everyone else

Be Careful Ethel

2011-05-16T00:51:00.000+01:00

Here is the first music track that we are going to use to promote Be Careful Ethel, it's only the first take and there will probably be a few changes made to it in the future.

I was asked to create something that had an element of childish fun about it and would look good with the images from the book. The piece is called 'Be Careful' and is a standard blues riff going from C7 to G and back again. Its very straight forward and simple and only has 10 tracks on it. (unlike my more serious pieces which can contain more that 50 tracks). Click on the bar and let me know what you think.....

It's getting close to that time again.

2011-05-14T00:31:00.000+01:00

There is nothing like signing into your blog and finding comments like this one.

"I live in Canada and I am the Grandmother of Noah. I was talking to my hairdresser about "The Hairy Plug Monster" and he knew the book. As it turns out, it's a favorite of his son's. I was delighted to know you have reached international fame! [and not just from a proud grandmother".

This is all very heartening and I still think that slowly and surely The Hairy Plug Monster will take over a small percentage of the world. However, this week was spent focusing on our next publication -

Be Careful Ethel, which again is aimed at the 3-6 age group with illustration supplied by Kim Eagle and additional post production jiggery pokery by Kul Cuthbert. Using Blurb.com we were able to produce a mock up of the book and make changes as and when necessary.

Once we have the layout perfected it will be time to start the whole promotional thing again. Registering it with Nielson and sending out another batch of emails to the hundreds of bookstores, schools and libraries in addition to maxing out on Facebook and Twitter etc.

At the moment this is definitely the quiet before the storm. Early reviews of Be Careful Ethel have been very positive and some have even said that they enjoyed it more than The HPM. ( if such a thing is possible).

While the Cat's away...

2011-04-30T23:31:00.000+01:00

I know, I know .....first blog post since January, no good for the stat's and all that - all the Google rankings shot to bits, the world forgets who you are...blah blah blah.

Well I've been busy, (no honest, I have). Busy trying to find a real income to supplement being a "superstar author". I also took a step back to reassess my current situation with the publishing business and realised that in its present format the future looks really bleak for the small independent publisher.

First and foremost the economic climate is not favourable, and those individuals who were able to invest money in the arts as a labour of love are no longer as prevalent as they used to be. So regardless of how good a product is, people are reluctant to finance it.

In the case of HPM Media Ltd. we have lots of projects on the back burner waiting to be brought to market and the pile is steadily growing. This includes the several follow ups to The Hairy Plug Monster, Be Careful Ethel, and of course Spooky Tales.

To bring all of these worthwhile productions out requires a lot of initial outlay and even then they have to be distributed and placed in a ever dwindling number of booksellers.

The cost of distributing and marketing the books then eats into the margins and when you only have one title out there, it almost costs a pound to make a pound (if you see what I mean)

Invitations to schools and libraries seem to have dried up as well, again most likely due to external forces - (budget cuts) although I did have a good World Book Week, with another invite from Alison Davies of Bury Central Library and one from Hillcrest Grammar. Needless to say, I went down a storm at both.

I consider myself a seasoned professional when it comes to performing my work in front of children, It was heartening to know that " One Legged Steve" went down really well, with "There's something wrong with Grandad" not far behind.

In fact all the poems from Spooky Tales have proved really popular - and now there is a large number of people waiting for the audio book to come out. Unfortunately we seem to have lost our actor Steve, who has gone off to work on other projects, but have a wealth of talent waiting in the wings to take his place.

To add an extra dimension to the tales, we have recruited Paul Alderson to do the sound design and really bring the stories to life. It is now looking like Halloween 2011 before Spooky Tales will be ready for release, and even though it's frustrating to be delayed - it has given me chance to research the best digital outlets and familiarise myself more with the distribution side of things.

Finally, and completely under the radar, Kul has been getting Be Careful Ethel ready for production with the first hard draft being sent of to Blurb.com as I write. I will tell you more when I know a bit myself. Once I get the book back, I can register it for an ISBN number and let the bookstores of the world know of it's existence again. That's when the exciting stuff can begin again.

One Legged Steve - Spooky Tales Collection

2011-01-15T18:44:00.001Z

There is an old pirate called 'One Legged Steve'

Who lives in the same part of town that I do

There’s a sad sorry tale behind the strange name

And the reason that Stephen needs only one shoe!

Was it eaten by sharks?

Or

Lost in the park?

Or

Dropped down a well that was cold, wet and dark?

No!

The truth is more scarier, and really quite sad

And once you have heard it, you may understand

How this unlucky pirate, who wasn’t all bad

Never again, set foot off dry land.

Are you with me my crew? (arrgh)

Well listen close

And I’ll tell you of One Legged Steve and the Ghost

To find out what happens to Captain Steve, download "Spooky Tales" available very soon.

Happy New Year,

2011-01-03T21:31:00.001Z

Sorry the post's have been a bit on the sparse side recently, but my attentions have been elsewhere. For starters, I took Myles and Ryan into the studio just before Christmas and laid down the vocals for two tracks, which can now be presented to higher beings and hopefully re-launch their careers as teenage heart throbs...

Early reviews mainly from my wife and girls indicate that the first track is a winner ( needs a bit of polish on it ) and that the second track is even better... (this has to be a first-for my wife to like any of my music). Unfortunately due to having to make space for the Christmas tree and decorations, my keyboard had to be mothballed for the festive season and that put an end to my musical creativity. However, I did manage to write the bones of several more tracks on the computer and even penned three new sets of lyrics of various genres.

Steve Garry caught 'man flu' just before Christmas and didn't manage to get to the studio to record the narratives of Spooky Tales, but that is on track for the following week. I did have a go at making a little trailer for the book to get a bit of interest going. Its going to be a very large year for the HPM and other projects, ....finally

'The Hairy Plug Monster ...and Christmas

2010-12-21T13:19:00.000Z

As she stood by the tree, Maya’s eyes opened wide

There were stars hung all over, with chocolates inside

Tinsel and baubles, with lights wrapped around

And even more presents that lay on the ground

On the shelf by the fire, Dad Place a mince pie

With a nice juicy carrot, So Maya asked “why”?

“You need to leave food for the reindeer”, dad said

“And Father Christmas wants mince pies, to keep himself fed.

Climbing up and down chimneys, All night isn’t fun

And he can’t take a break ,when there’s work to be done

Perhaps you can help?”,dad said with a laugh

“With the Hairy Plug Monster ,Who lives under the bath”

Maya thought for a while

And she smiled and then said

“Maybe I could,”

And went off to bed.

A few hours later

Maya hadn’t slept

So into the bathroom

She silently crept,

The Hairy Plug Monster

Was sat by the soap,

With a floppy red stocking

All tied up with rope

Maya asked once again

“Do you fancy a feed? ”

And the Hairy Plug Monster

Smiled and agreed

“We’ve got Mince Pies, and chocolates

and a huge Christmas Cake

There’s even a turkey

All ready to bake”

So they tiptoed downstairs

and walked through the hall

straight to the kitchen

to the fridge by the wall

Maya opened the door

and they both peeked inside

And the Hairy Plug Monster’s

One Eye opened wide

There on the shelf was a large plate of Jelly

A trifle and pudding and cheese that was smelly

There was mince pies and chocolates

And cranberry jam, Sprouts and Potatoes

And a big piece of ham

The Hairy Plug Monster

Jumped onto the shelf

And in no time at all

He was helping himself

Maya said to her friend

“That’s all we’ve got

Its Christmas tomorrow

And you cant eat the lot”

But the Hairy Plug Monster,

Didn’t reply, he was already munching

On a tasty mince pie

He tried out the pudding, and some of the cake

And then all the sprouts,……….

Yuk…!!!!!!!

What a mistake

Yuk –yuk yuk yuk

What a funny old taste

He didn’t like sprouts

And curled up his face

The hairy plug monster,

Was hungry no more

And sat down and sulked

On the cold kitchen floor,

Maya thought and then said

“I know just what to do”

Father Christmas is coming

He’ll be here very soon

They went to the front room,

And both peeked inside

And The Hairy Plug Monster’s one eye

Opened Wide

There by the fire was a man dressed in red

With a big floppy hat

That was hung from his head.

His belt and his boots were shiny and black

And down by his side was a huge great big sack

Hello Father Christmas, said Maya with charm

And she held put a mince pie at the end of her arm

I’ve come to help and make sure that you’re fed

You can sit down and rest while everyone’s in bed

Father Christmas sat down, with the pie on his knee

While Maya placed presents around the big tree

Thank you said Santa, and started to yawn,

It’s time that I went, for soon it is dawn

Father Christmas got back, on his magical sleigh

Gave a carrot to Rudolph, and then flew away.

The Hairy Plug Monster needed a nap, so he crept back upstairs

And squeezed back through the tap,

His stocking was full of presents and toys

And a small yellow duck - that made a strange noise

“What’s that noise?”, said her dad the next day with a shout

“There’s a noise from the hole where the water runs out”

“You know who that is” Maya said with a laugh

“That’s the Hairy plug Monster…..who lives under the bath”.

Jodie Muir joins the team as Spooky Stories is prepared for the studio

2010-11-21T13:11:00.000Z

Another eventful week saw the first public reading of Zombelina by Steve Garry to school children at St. Andrew's Primary School and by all accounts it went pretty well.

Now the filming commitments for Rough and Ready look to be over for the time being, the focus is now on getting the much awaited Spooky Stories recorded and released as an audio book a.s.a.p.

Jodie Muir has joined the team to conjure up the initial artwork for the audio book with a view to illustrating the book on its release in the coming year.

Here are her initial rough submissions for Zombelina and the Toymaster which capture the mood perfectly. The dates for recording have not been finalised yet, but we expect to have the majority ready before the end of the year with the aim to releasing them as downloads at the beginning of Spring. After spending most of the past year promoting Spooky Stories by stealth I am anticipating quite a good reception - especially for the long awaited "Golden Arm".

Here is the listing for Spooky Stories so far:

There is Something wrong with Grandad

Miss Carr's Pies

Zombelina

Golden Arm

The Commander-in-Chief-of-the-World

Show and Tell

One Legged Steve

All of which are gems in their own right

www.hpmmedialtd.com

www.hairyplugmonster.com

The Hairy Plug Monster gets Connected

2010-11-13T01:10:00.000Z

Music and writing really came together this week with a great deal of time being spent composing "pop songs" for Myles and Connor Ryan (formerly of Connected)who I met at the opening of the Inspire Community Centre in Levenshulme.

The brief was very simple...write the boys some new material that is on a par with their Boyband contemporaries - and guess what...I totally nailed it. I managed to pen 6 new songs in various stages of completion, all of which have a definite commercial appeal and if they get recorded could even go on to do very well.

Having been a songwriter for the best part of 3 decades, this was the first time I had ever worked with anyone who can really sing...and while my grown up friends may snigger at the thought of me writing for Boyband, it seems that it is the right way to go. Especially as I have written the best part of 300 songs in all sorts of styles over the years, - and none have bought me any kind of success or recognition for my pain.

Ironically, becoming a children's author has rendered a lot of my material unusable in its current state, (especially in these media savvy days) so adopting a softer approach to songwriting really is the only option.

So here I am at the start of another project, and after listening to Myles and Connor sing (and man can they sing) I have a strong feeling that I can write them something with longevity. We will be recording a few vocal tracks over the coming weeks and I will post snippets - so you can make up your own minds.

Keeping with the musical theme, Steve Garry and I completed the two tracks for the film Rough and Ready with the third one due for early next year. The film crew head off to Wakefield on the 13th November to film the opening scene and another club scene with the soundtrack blaring out in the background.

Have a look at the cast list http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1527829/ , there are some pretty big hitters on there and from what I have learn't they are all eager to do the 2 follow up films. Being the shameless opportunist that I am, I have already thrown my hat into the ring to provide more music, and hopefully get a minuscule part somewhere (not that I want to be an actor - it's just so I can say that I have been in a film.)

Inspire ..... how appropriate

2010-11-04T10:55:00.000Z

After several years of planning and renovation Levenshulme Inspire centre opened it's doors to the general public. http://www.lev-inspire.org.uk/blog/ and amongst the V.I.P's which included Sir Gerald Kaufman, and Sir Richard Leese, Myles and Connor Ryan - part of the Connected who narrowly missed winning this years Britain's Got Talent and myself.

In truth it was hard to compete with the twins, who were real celebrities, whereas The HPM hasn't quite got to the stage where scores of screaming girls are clamouring for a signed photo. Nevertheless, I battled through the noise of the Face Painting table next to me and the art and craft table further along to read a couple of stories.

I did manage to hold the attention of the audience for a while, but after a few stories it seemed that the lure of make-up was too much for the audience and one by one they slowly disappeared.

Thankfully, Karen the event organiser arranged for another reading at the front of the centre which captured a more attentive audience and once again the Hairy Plug Monster was a huge success with more than a few parents taking a signed copy home with them.

The rest of the week has been spent on other exciting projects which I will tell you more about in the next blog...

But before I go here's a little poem I wrote with Maya-Rose.

The Alien

I saw a little Alien, sat beside a tree

He was small green and slimy and really very smelly

He had a little laser gun and pointed it at me,

With a zap, zap, zap

He vaporized my welly.

sometimes you only need a few lines to get the story across

Golden Arm is the most entertaining poem written for children......ever, at least 3500 children agree with me

2010-10-24T16:49:00.001+01:00

Another spectacular week in the world of the Hairy Plug Monster and Friends, kicked off with my invitation to St Joseph and St Bede's Primary School in Bury on Monday morning.....as usual I got lost on the way and arrived with just minutes to spare.

With the aid of a cup of tea, I managed to regain my composure and set about preparing for the first reading to a combined Y1 group. I used to get nervous when I performed in front of classes but over the last year I have managed to integrate lots of little bits into my "act", encouraging audience participation and building up the atmosphere using "Golden Arm" as a finale - which again didn't fail to scare the socks off them. I was allocated a room for the day and with each year group, I included the other stories such as "Miss Carr's Pies" and "Commander-in-Chief of the World". As the final Y6 group came in I cast my inhibitions and read the two Zombie specials, " There's Something Wrong with Grandad" and for the very first time "Zombelina". Again it seems I misjudged children's appetite for more gruesome stories, as they loved it. Even the teachers enjoyed the sad sorry tale of the Toymaster and his daughter. It does help though when you have "Golden Arm" to finish on, and seeing as no one else wants to blow my trumpet, I may as well do it myself...

Golden Arm IS the most entertaining poem written for children ....ever.
It was a fantastic day, with a lot of books being sold and a very appreciative school making me feel very much at home.

I had an email from the Windows Project, who requested that I pay them a visit in Liverpool sometime soon and also if I could include them in my next school visit for "assessment".

The rest of the week was spent finalising the first of three pieces of music for the film - Rough and Ready, and again I didn't fail to deliver the goods. The only thing that's missing at the moment is a steady flow of income, to pay for all this.....but I keep telling myself that it IS only a matter of time.

Thankfully everybody else seems to agree with me...

Find out for yourself by visiting http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/ and purchasing your very own signed copy of The Hairy Plug Monster.

The wheels seem to be turning again for The Hairy Plug Monster

2010-10-17T11:07:00.000+01:00

Last February I had a call from Diane Mitchell from the Wirral library services asking if I was free to do a reading as part of the Wirral Bookfest - in October!!

So 7 months later the date finally arrived and off I popped to Beechwood Library on the Wirral. I read to two visiting schools in the morning (whose name escapes me at the moment). No prizes for guessing the most popular story...again.

After a very fine panini in Heswell with fellow poet Angela Topping and the Principal Community Librarian - Julie Barkway, we travelled over to neighbouring Pensby Library for a brilliant reading to some more year ones and reception age children from the local school. I had to refrain from reading Golden Arm as I didn't want to scare any of the younger children and incur the wrath of the accompanying parents. It didn't matter though because "The Pot Bellied Cook and The Three Legged Dog" managed to capture the imaginations of the kids just as well.

Angela also recommended that I contact the Windows Project in Liverpool, as they assign writers and poets to schools all across the U.K. I sent an enquiry with all the links and reviews I could find and now it's a matter of waiting for someone to get back to me.

Following my visit to Bury last week I received a really heartening e-mail from one of the parents who bought a copy of the HPM.

Dear Leighroy
Our Year 2 children recently visited the Bury Library for a visit with yourself. I purchased your book The Hairy Plug Monster and my children absolutely love this book. My daughter has read this book to her dad and her dolls and continues to ask for it to be read to her. Thanks a lot.
Deborah Barber (Mrs)
School Administrator - St Marie's RC Primary

This is just one of the many reviews that we have got since the publication just over a year ago, and I know that we haven't even scratched the surface yet. Alison Davies one of the assistant librarians from Bury Library Service also received a call from St Joseph and St bede's primary school in Bury asking for my details after seeing an article published in the Bury Times last week. So I now have another booking in Bury for Monday - which is brilliant.

If the success and enthusiasm shown for The Hairy Plug Monster and my other stories is replicated elsewhere, then its definitely only a matter of time.

Noah and The Hairy Plug Monster

I was sent a photo from Canada, from a young fan called Noah proudly holding a copy of his book he received last Christmas and thought that it would be brilliant if I could fill the blog with pictures of other proud owners..so if you have an image of the HPM you want to send please email it to me at info@hairyplugmonster.com .

A really thick lining of silver....around a big dull cloud

2010-10-11T14:25:00.000+01:00

So there I was seven days ago, updating the blog with nothing but doom and gloom... and feeling very sorry for myself. It's amazing what seven days can do for you...

Steve Garry the actor whose voice was utilised for Zombelina, phoned me and asked if I wanted to have a go at supplying three tracks for a film.....er yeh, and even though the style required was not really my cup of tea, I still managed to spend my free hours during the week coming up with the goods. I have a feeling though the the film itself will have an adult rating so I can't really tell you more at this stage.

On Tuesday, I was invited to Radcliffe Library in Bury to spend the day reading to local schools from the area: St Johns, Chapelfield and Gorsefield.

Unsurprisingly, the reading went well with all the schools being enthusiastic about the new material
"Miss Carr's Pies" and "The Pot Bellied Cook" as well as The Hairy Plug Monster and of course Golden Arm - which fast gaining cult status amongst the pupils. A few books were sold, and the librarians were happy.

On Thursday, I returned to Bury, as the guest author as part of National Poets Day, where this time I played host to Holy Trinity and St Marie's Primary schools in the morning before going to Holy Trinity Primary School in the afternoon. Again I read to about 200 children and they all seemed to be very positive about the whole visit and better still more books were sold.

I even tried out the controversial " There's something wrong with Grandad" (which my mum disapproves of, due to the fact that Grandad has become a victim to the Zombie Apocalypse.) However, I mentioned to the class before I read it about my mums concerns about it's suitability and got them to vote on it.

The result 34-0 in favour of Grandad Zombie....there are parts in it as well that make it possible to act like a Zombie, which got them all going..and then when you follow that up with Golden Arm, well you can't really go wrong can you?.

Needless to say The Hairy Plug Monster was a massive hit with all the years and even though the Plug Monster machine stalled last week, it seems it is back on the road again and firing on all four cylinders.

www.hairyplugmonster.com

I am not sure why, (but very grateful) but I seem to be very popular in Bury with both Waterstones and Bury Library Service always making me feel welcome.

It's easier to see the Wizard of Oz, than it is to get a booking at a school

2010-10-04T16:40:00.003+01:00

Now that the schools have settled down a bit, I started a new promotional campaign to get as many readings in as possible. Unfortunately, getting an email passed the Admin Office at schools is like trying to book an appointment to see the Wizard of Oz.

Sometimes if I'm lucky I will get to at least be able to find out the real names of the people who I need to contact, but quite a lot of the admin staff that I have come across just ask me to send the email directly to "them" and "they" will make sure that the right person gets it....

But how would they know?,

....but then again I expect that they get thousands of emails every week from people like me, all wanting access to the school - and the various opportunities that it presents..

So if any of the readers of this blog do happen to work in the Admin office at a school, please look out for me at least.

The rest of the week has been spent looking for a job, but alas I am still what they tend to call a "struggling writer"..

The only success I have had recently is for a possible position that isn't happening until at least April 2011 and even then there are probably still a few hundred candidates going for it. Similarly, I took an online assessment test to become a Census Coordinator, but even if I am successful, I am not needed until roughly the same time as the other job..( which I am not going to mention by name at this stage).

We didn't make the long list for the UKLA 2011 which surprised me in a way, I thought The Hairy Plug Monster would do well and the exposure would have been marvellous....however the idea of running a marathon dressed as the HPM is really starting to appeal to me...I am bound to get on T.V. and at the same time can raise some money for charity...the hard part it seems is running 26 miles all in one go, but after seeing how many people compete in the London Marathon it cant be that hard.....can it?

Trying it a different way....

2010-09-24T11:41:00.001+01:00

I have been really ill over the last week or so - the victim of a really vicious bug which has left my creative juices somewhat depleted...

However I did manage to start work on the final two stories for the Spooky Stories collection-
One Legged Steve and Show and Tell....

Most of the last week has been spent distancing myself from the other contributors in the Zombelina project, more details can be found on http://zombelina.blogspot.com/ .

However with every crazy cloud, there is always a silver lining and in this case it is coming in the form of an audio book....so the initial format for Spooky Tales will now be narrated by actor Steve Garry and will become available for download in the very near future...a hard copy of the audio will be available from the HPM Website and eventually through our other suppliers - including I-Tunes et al.

Because of production costs the publication of the book has had to be put back until next year - which is a shame in a way but makes more sense.

In addition to the Audio Book, a collaboration with Static Island will see chillout remixes of each of the stories - and be released individually as the months go by....a demo version of Zombelina can already be sampled at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdw7kRRUOt8 and on the Zombelina website....

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

Himalayan Balsam and Mixed Seed Cookies.......

2010-09-06T02:25:00.002+01:00

The Hairy Plug Monster's Himalayan Balsam and Mixed Seed Cookie

Himalayan Balsam

It's that time of year again when those delightful Himalayan Balsam plants adorn the pathways, and waterways of the English countryside and envelop everything in their way - and with each year their numbers increase until eventually there will be nothing left but "Balsam".

Naturally this has caused alarm throughout DEFRA and beyond, and each year well meaning folk head out into the woodlands and parks with the sole aim of "Bashing the Balsam" - Unfortunately, their efforts are not having very much effect and serve only as a slight inconvenience to the Himalayan Balsam.

However, as more and more people are daring to venture out at this time of year, intent on capitalising on the bountiful harvest of fruit and berries that are just coming into season, it seems only fair to let them know that an even greater harvest can be had from the public enemy of plants.

I did try spreading the word last year but without the aid of images, my message fell on deaf ears - this year however I am proud to bring you:

The Hairy Plug Monster's Himalayan Balsam and Mixed Seed Cookies

First put your coat on and head off out to track down some Balsam, I have included an image to aid identification, but to further assist you, look for the tall plant with white or pink delicate flowers. At this time of year they should be on the wane and be replaced with seed pods which are shaped like tiny okra. The Himalayan Balsam is easily identifiable, because when you touch a ripe seed pod it explodes "Alien style" and throws out the seeds in every direction. ( this is one of the main reasons that "Balsam Bashing doesn't work"). The stem of the plant is a hollow and translucent and a quick inspection of the roots should show about twenty reddish roots just above ground that anchor the beast in place.

So when you are satisfied that you have the Himalayan Balsam in your sights, it is now time to harvest the seeds.

1. Very carefully tilt the flower head towards you and without touching the pods place a large plastic bag over the top of the plant. Once you are confident that the seed heads are inside the bag, tickle the pods and let them explode, ( be on the lookout for bees collecting the last bits of pollen). The seeds will collect in the bag and each plant should give your about 100 seeds.

2. Carry this action on until you think you have enough seeds.....how much is enough seeds?...erm well I don't know, but bear in mind that the pod husks are also collected and will need to be removed at a later stage so.... the more you collect the more you have to sort out later.....simples.

Himalayan Balsam seeds and the green pod husks

Your harvest should look similar to the image above with the seeds ranging from white to brown to black, being mixed together with the curled up green pod husks and occasional flowers.

Now comes the boring bit...the seeds need to be separated, and up to now the only way I have found to do this is to spread them out on a tray and pick out the pods, flowers and anything else that may have found its way into the bag. I wont kid you....this will take a bit of time, but eventually you should be left with a tray full of seeds.

Himalayan Balsam Seeds

Place the seeds in a bowl of fresh water for twenty minutes to wash off any dust and creepy crawlies that still may be hiding amongst them and drain the water away through a sieve.

Dry Roasted Himalayan Balsam Seeds

Empty the seeds into a dry frying pan and on a low heat slowly cook them until the seeds turn a similar shade of grey.

Et voila your Himalayan Balsam Seeds are now ready for eating..... or. you could do what I did and add them to a cookie mix

Cream 125g of unsalted butter with 125g of sugar, slowly add 2 beaten eggs to the mix and a teaspoon of vanila essence. Fold in 250g of self raising flour and 200g of Himalayan Balsam seeds together with a 200g mix of of toasted almonds, pumpkin and sunflower seeds.

Gather the mixture together with your hand and shape the dough into a ball. Wrap in clingfilm and leave to settle in the fridge for half an hour.

When the dough has chilled, remove from the fridge and dive into 26 pieces, rolling each one into a small ball and placing on a greased baking tray.

Lightly flatten each cookie before baking at 180C (160C fan oven) Gas Mark 4 for 10-12 minutes until golden but still fairly soft. Leave on the baking tray for 5 minutes before transfering onto a wire rack to cool.

And put the kettle on.

Congratulations, you have probably taken the best step to keep the spread of Himalayan Balsam in check and at the same time made yourself and the kids a damn fine cookie. Now with a plate full of cookies and a glass of milk sit down in your favourite chair, open The Hairy Plug Monster and start reading.....if you haven't got a copy please visit http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

Just So Festival 2010

2010-09-05T10:32:00.000+01:00

Regardless of where I was placed right on the bill, it was still quite an honour to be asked to take part in the first Just So Festival, in the woods of Barnswood - just outside Leek.   It was advertised as " A Glastonbury for Kids" and certainly didn't disappoint.

Advertised as "  a boutique, weekend-long festival of creativity aimed at children, young people and their families.
The festival will provide a magical experience where art, music and literature are embedded and entwined in a beautiful and wondrous landscape.

The day started well with a random text sent to Jo Goode on BBC 6 Music turning into a full scale live interview on the air, giving me the chance to mention the book and 'big up' the festival.

I had been given five passes as payment for taking part I was given five passes to the festival and as the girls were still in Russia, I took my mum and my brother David and his family.

My reading went well, and even though I was bottom of the bill on Saturday morning - I still managed to pull in quite a crowd and sell a few books in the meantime. After my stint - we spent the rest of the day walking watching the many different acts performing in the many different glades.

I have to admit that I did feel quite lost without my own kids there, and decided to stop as many random families as I could and read my stories to them...( oddly enough it went down rather well). There was so much going on - it is really hard to choose a favourite moment although I had to watch in admiration at the two 70+ dancers who were throwing each other around the scout hall to the strains of Glenn Miller.

The photos are on my mums camera, ( who is in Italy again - for a change and I wont be able to post them until her return).  Although the festival went on for the weekend, we only stayed for the Saturday, due partly to my nephews feeling the pace and me not really being made of camping fibre, in truth though The Just So Festival should be sampled as a three day event, as the entertainment goes on right through the night, next year I am going to be more prepared and take the girls camping. ( hmm...that could be an empty promise though).

If anyone is thinking about booking for next year, my advice is "Get a move on", as the tickets went on sale for Just So Festival 2011 the following Monday, and are already selling like hot cakes..

www.hairyplugmonster.com

There's something wrong with Granddad

2010-08-19T19:47:00.001+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

There’s something wrong with Granddad.

He’s acting rather strange.

He stumbles with a confused look

And doesn’t sound the same

It started at the weekend

He said that he was ill

He wouldn’t take his medicine,

Or wouldn’t take his pill

And now he’s on the landing,

With arms stretched out ahead,

With dripping blood around his lips

And scars across his head….

I didn’t meant to hit him,

But when he bit my Dad,

And took a chunk out of his arm

I thought he’s turning mad.

And now my dad is changing,

His skins gone rather grey,

He really smells of nasty meat

And doesn’t want to play

( Find out what happened to Grandad when Spooky Stories is published in the very near future)

Miss Carr's Pies

2010-08-18T18:58:00.001+01:00

Miss Carr's Pies
by Leighroy Marsh from the Spooky Stories Collection

Long, long ago, there was nothing but snow on the dark country lane in my tale

And galloped a horse, (with a rider of course) with a bag full of paintings for sale.

But the snow was too thick, and he had to think quick - if he stayed out too long he would freeze

And though the dark night he saw the pale light of an inn, where he could find some ease.

He tethered his steed in the stables next door, and carried his pictures inside.

And there by the bar, was the lovely Miss Carr with a tray full of pies at her side

Good evening Miss, he said with a hiss – his mouth was all frozen and solid

She simply looked up from a recipe book and said in a manner quite stolid.

“Good evening sir, can I get you a beer? A room for the night or some tea?

There’s nobody here at this time of year I can give you a discount maybe?”

“What would be nice, is one of those pies.. “ Said the traveller eyeing the tray

“Can you warm right it up with some ale in a cup and tell me how much I must pay

“I certainly can” she said to the man “please take a seat by the fire”

“I shall warm it up quick, I ‘ll be back in a tick – with a pie that will match your desire”

Miss Carr went away to the pies on the tray, and selected the largest one on it

To the kitchen she went with a pie for the gent , whilst humming herself an old sonnet.

“So the man wants a pie”, she said with a sigh – it will cost him much more than he thinks

She pulled out a locket from inside her pocket and opened it over his drink.

Down poured some dust, which was redder than rust – It bubbled and fizzled and festered

She stirred up the brew which was thicker than stew – but smelt rather good none the less

(Find out what happens to the Traveller and Miss Carr's Pies in Spooky Stories - coming soon)

The pen is mightier than the parking ticket

2010-08-17T02:23:00.002+01:00

You may remember that in a previous blog, I mentioned that I got a parking ticket for slightly overstaying the limit by 8 minutes, due to me staying a little while longer to give a reading at the Oxfam shop. I was relying on those charitable souls at the parking office to rescind the fine as the circumstances were, in my view exceptional.

Unfortunately it seems that those 'charitable souls' are not one for charity and unfortunately my appeal fell on deaf ears. On the plus side however, it seems I have a new set of villains to write about.....lucky me:

Those charitable souls - down at parking control, with their cameras and watches and tickets
Skulk in the dark of the public car park and hide in the bushes and thickets
Like lions they'll wait if the victim is late, they'll pounce without mercy or pity
Then they'll gorge and they'll feast on the poor wildebeest, in manner described as "not pretty"

First attempt at a Plugmonster Wordsearch

The Pot Bellied Cook and The Three Legged Dog

2010-08-06T20:28:00.003+01:00

The Pot Bellied Cook and the Three Legged Dog

In an old wooden tavern, quite close to a bog

Lives a pot bellied cook and a three legged dog

He spends all his days making green smelly cheese

While the three legged dog sits and scratches his fleas

High up in a tower, lives the Old Purple Gint

Who drinks nothing but smoothies of onion and mint

She grows all her food in a pair of old boots

And makes soap from the juice of the dandelion root

But cook wasn’t happy to live all alone

He wanted to share the green cheese in his home

So he closed up the tavern and set foot outside

With his three legged dog he looked for a bride

To the Old Purple Gint in the tower he strolled

With some cheese in a sock, feeling ever so bold

He called from the ground to the window above

And proclaimed from his knees his intentions of love.

“My darling, my sugar, my sweetheart, my dear

I have lived all alone for so many a year

I have come to ask you, would you marry me please

And stand by my side with my dog and his fleas”

The Gint just stood silent, as stiff as a rock

Then she gazed at the cook and his green smelly sock

“I will be your wife” , was her short sharp reply

“If you bring me the shoes from the Snufflebug fly”

(Find out what happens to the Pot Bellied Cook and the The Legged Dog in 2011)

Is the HPM right for the BBC....... hell yeah!!!!!

2010-07-31T11:23:00.002+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

In terms of success for the HPM, I would place this week pretty high on the list. Starting off with a low key Monday spent mostly ringing round stockists. I did sign a music publishing deal with Gulliver Music Publishing, which should bring in some royalties if some big multi national company want to use my music to advertise their " stuff".

I woke up early on Tuesday to appear on the coffee hour at BBC Radio Manchester. This time I gave a better account of myself and had more confidence when placed on the spot to give opinions about diets, sibling rivalry and nettles. Hopefully I will get the chance to go on again, and again, and again....

Being a writer, isn't a lucrative job, and the time has come to go out and find a proper job, because after almost two years since its creation, the HPM is still bubbling under the radar. So on Wednesday, I had an interview with a firm that were advertising management positions......management positions pah!!!!

It became immediately apparent that this wasn't the job for me...not that I am work shy but one thing I could never do is knock on the doors of the innocent and ask them to sign up for something that they don't want. Its a pity though that when people advertise jobs they don't tell the whole truth.

This didn't put me off looking though, and on Thursday I applied for a job as a museum supervisor. To land a job like that would be perfect for me, especially as the museum is adjacent to the gallery as well. I will know next week if my application was good enough to at least get me an interview. I was also asked to apply for a job as a call centre manager in Stoke...which I did, not because I love call centres - but it would give me the financial leg up to clear some debt and also give me 1 hour commuting everyday on the train, where I should still be able to write.

Later on Thursday I received an email from a lady called Mavis.... it seems that Kul had met her in a shop and passed over a book to her. More importantly, she then passed the book over to her daughter - Michelle, who works as a researcher for Blue Peter. The e-mail went like this

"Just so you know I am going to be doing a Cbeebies storytelling session at half 8 tomorrow morning.
Its where I sit with a group of kids and tell them all a story. I'm going to tell them the story of the hairy plug monster."

Michelle then went on to say,

" I will make sure I read it with loads of expression / enthusiasm and gauge how they react to the story and the pictures. I'm sure they will like it. They gave me some other books to chose from but The Hairy Plug Monster is best hands down."..

I am waiting for feedback from the even and will let you know.

On the downside however, Zombie Aid 3 has been cancelled due building work at the proposed site, but the planned walk in October is still going ahead.

Faith, Hope and Charity,

2010-07-20T21:46:00.000+01:00

www.hairyplumonster.com

I did my first proper charity event last week for Oxfam in Cheadlle Heath, and although they were advertising it for weeks as part of their own book week, the turnout was slightly disappointing. Amongst the children who did manage to drag their parents down to the shop were Sophie and Maya, who were part of the workshop group the previous Thursday.

They were eager to listen to The Hairy Plug Monster again and even more so to Golden Arm... as the morning went on I hung around and managed to sell a few more books to the odd customer, and one person even bought two, just because the were signed by the Author.....me!!!

Due to the fact that I hung around trying to sell more books, (the proceeds of which went to Oxfam,) I ended up being 8 minutes late back to the car and subsequently got a parking ticket....

Now, although I am not a believer, I like to hedge my bets and generally live a very good, clean life doing little to rattle my conscience. Subsequently I like to believe that although I have not bought a ticket, they still might let me in just because I am the type of person they would want up there, (besides if I am wrong at least I can still party)..I would also like to think that doing a good turn like supporting Oxfam and donating the proceeds to the shop would earn me extra brownie points in the great scheme of things.

You might say that the 'lord moves in mysterious ways',....... which again is fine, but I want to know why he is moving around my car and checking the time on my ticket before slapping me with fine?

Perhaps it was a sign........

So off I went looking for the over zealous warden who obviously didn't know of my mission in the hope to reason with their better nature. I tracked them down in the adjacent car park and presented my case.

At first I thought I was in luck as the warden was a lady, and I figured that with my cheeky grin, a smile and a wink and hey-ho "job's a gud'un". However as I drew near and saw the short cropped hair and several facial piercings (all of which looked like they hurt a lot) I knew that boyish charm alone is not going to get me off the hook lightly.

I changed tack straight away and presented myself as a really apologetic, sycophantic man whose only crime was to stay a little longer than he ought.... in order to raise a little bit of money to help build a library in Afghanistan.....

I even showed her the book, which she declined to buy on the grounds that she didn't have any kids and even turned down the offer of an "Xtra Strong Mint". She did however invite me to present my case to the local council and wished me good luck....

So with regards to the title of this blog. I am now putting Faith in my fellow man, in the Hope that on this occasion I am not going to be penalised for supporting Charity....

Anyone who wishes to donate to a specially set up fund can visit www.hairyplugmonster.com and leave a deposit with paypal and in return for your generosity I will send a signed copy of The Hairy Plug Monster..... ( traffic wardens are especially welcome).

Children's Literacy Workshops

2010-07-18T10:35:00.001+01:00

The literacy workshop went better than I could have ever imagined. Not being a teacher, I wasn't quite sure on the form it was going to take, but it became apparent straight away that providing you have good material and the pupils want to be there, the workshop will work itself.

Pupils from years 4,5 and six were chosen to listen to the readings of The Hairy Plug Monster and the other stories and ask questions just like in previous readings. However, for the last half an hour I read them the opening verses of "Miss Carr's pies" and then invited them to construct the next verse themselves working in small groups.

I was very impressed with the work that they did with more than one group not only constructing some brilliant prose but also getting the "meter" as well.

I think as well that the subject matter was appealing and they came up with many ingenious ways of disposing of a body in a pie.

Hi Leighroy

Thank you very much for your visit yesterday. The children really enjoyed it and were full of enthusiasm for poetry in the afternoon. I asked some of them to write a sentence about what they thought. I hope this is useful to you.

I loved listening to the poems which told a story and enjoyed finishing his poem for him. It was interesting. .....Ellie C Year 6

The hairy plug monster was cool and I loved the spooky poems. I didn't think i'd jump when he told us we would but I did. Leeroy was brilliant he's a cool author. .....Haris Year 5

It was very kind of you to go into school. Your storys were great. I car't wait till zombliner comes out. Car't wait to see you at oxfam.

Georgia Year 4

I enjoyed listening to the hairy plug monster . it made me jump in the golden arm story.I had a really good time.thank you ....... Maya year 4

Thank you for your time

Regards

Diane Diamond

It came as no surprise that "Golden Arm" was a clear favourite, although the first few verses of Zombelina also went down really well. Due to the time though, I wasn't able to finish - much to the dismay of the class.

Going of the response from Cheadle Primary School it may be another way forward for reaching a larger audience.

And now for the sales pitch at the end of the blog....(in the form of an email spam letter)

Hello', my name is Leighroy Marsh and I am a brilliant children's writer from the North West of England, and for a limited time and a staggering 95% cheaper than Charles Dicken's would have charged. I am offering to visit YOUR school and read a selection of my work to the pupils and work with them to produce works of literary genius. To take advantage of this amazing offer visit the www.hairyplugmonster.com website send or email to info@hairyplugmonster.com. - and while your there, why not buy one of the best young children's books written in ages?

Thank you

Leighroy Marsh

Distractions, distractions

2010-07-06T00:52:00.001+01:00

Following my holiday in Tuscany, I have found it hard to focus on The Hairy Plug Monster. Not because I had better things to do....far from it. Instead I have been glued to either the radio or the T.V. following the events in South Africa, for almost 3 painful weeks I have been watching the "world's best" battle it out - and to be truthful have had to endure some pretty dire stuff.

Thankfully the Germans put me out of my misery at the weekend by inflicting a fatal blow to the hopes and dreams of the nation. Much as I would like to rant on about the "who's, whats and whys" of the result, I am going to leave that for other much more informed bloggers to do. Suffice to say....we were pants.

So with the need to waste my life in front of the T.V. now removed you would think I should be able to focus back on The Hairy Plug Monster and the other projects for HPM Media Ltd without any further distractions..........but again not so.

My trusty modem of many years finally keeled over and died leaving me without an Internet connection and subsequently felling like I was on the moon. Without the Internet, I couldn't ring shops, or send emails or update the blog. Life seemed to stop (briefly).

Thankfully I remembered that the computer could do other things even when it wasn't talking to the rest of the world. I loaded up a music program and wrote 2 fantastic tunes in the space of two days. It was a major breakthrough moment because I know have enough good material to take out on the road and play live with.

I even treated myself to a selection of blank CD's and created an 11 track album of sorts, and early reviews have been quite promising.

Without the Internet, I have also been able to reduce the distractions of Facebook, and chess which, I play on a regular basis....I did have a go at Miss Carr's Pies to see if I could get the final 8 verses but to no avail...I seem to have hit a wall with The Pot Bellied Cook and the Three Legged Dog. ( This is slightly disturbing, because I have a literacy workshop on Thursday at Cheadle Primary School and no new material.

The Hairy Plug Monster has now been published for over a year now, and its about time I had a new book to tout around. Perhaps more heartening is that the Gruffalo took 4 years to gain any sort of recognition...and I still agree with many of my readers that The Hairy Plug Monster is easily on the same level albeit at least 5 million sales behind.....but there is still plenty of time to catch up....

If you still haven't got a copy of The Hairy Plug Monster, you can order by visiting http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

The Hairy Plug Monster is now very popular in Bury and the surrounding areas

2010-06-20T01:48:00.001+01:00

Typically everything seems to happen all at once, and by the time I get chance to write about it - it seems that a few weeks have gone by and some of the information doesn't seem that relevant.

Firstly, The Magic Sponge's Do it Again in 2010 didn't make it through to the XFM final three and wasn't chosen to be the official England World Cup song for the radio which meant that there wan't going to be an opportunity to mention the book. Personally I think that there was some "Eurovision"style voting going on although I have to admit that the song that eventually won wasn't that bad - (even though it had none of the football jingoism that The Magic Sponge seem to ooze with each verse)......

never mind there is always next time.

On the 3rd of June ( which does seem a long time ago now) I was invited to Radcliffe to perform a reading for the newly opened children's centre on Coronation Road. The team there, led by the lovely Norma made me feel really welcome, and plied me with endless cups of tea and some rather good homemade soup.

It was the first time I have done an outdoor reading - and despite having to contend with the passing traffic, the stories went down really well.

During one of the tea brakes, I started talking to Norma about the other projects on the go such as Spooky Stories and the animation. I couldn't believe it when she said that she had heard of "Zombelina" and that her son was involved.

It turned out that her son was the actor Steve Garry who had lent his voice to the reading of Zombelina earlier this year.....(fancy that)

During the reading we were joined by Tim Power from the neighbouring Radcliffe Primary School who also seemed to like the stories, so there may be a good chance of a return visit on the horizon. All in all it was quite a successful day with quite a few mothers and carers buying a copy of The Hairy Plug Monster of me and the centre taking another 10.

On the following Saturday, Bury Waterstones were holding an event called " Big Kids Day" and invited myself, and four other children's authors to appear throughh out the day.

Diane Shaw aauthor of the Septimus Smythe Spectre Detectives series

Nick Webb author of the recently published Lyme Hall

Joseph Delaney author of the Spooks Apprentice
( I embarrassed myself by not knowing who he was - but it seems he is just about to be shot into the stratosphere by Hollywood and has had gazillions of books published over the last few years.)

Their was another author present who I must apologise to because I have lost his contact details that he gave me and can only remember him as Nick - never the less he was a children's poet like myself who has had two of his books published.

My individual reading was at 10.30 in the morning and yet again there seemed to be a severe shortage of kids to read to. In fact the only audience I got was when Nick turned up at 11.30 and allowed me to read to his kids. I was feeling a bit unloved and unwanted when Nick threw me off the table(no, not literally) when his slot arrived and I was in two minds whether to go home or not. Instead, I opted to hang out at the back of the store with my book in a bid to catch some passing trade - as the shop was starting to fill up a bit.

Diane came and introduced herself to me, so we spent the next hour "talking like authors do" I suppose. It was coming up to 1 o'clock and after only selling 2 books I decided it was time to call It a day. Rachel the event coordinator asked the three of us if we wanted to take a table outside the shop with some books and see if we could sell more that way.

I have to say, what a brilliant idea, between the four of us, we covered all the age groups from 2 - 13 and I sold 17 books within the next hour - leaving the shop with only one. It seems like another avenue I should entertain especially as none of us were standing on the toes of the others. It seemed a lot more sociable as well.

Oops there I go again I have told you my life story and about how much people have enjoyed the Hairy Plug Monster, and forgot to mention how humongously entertaining it is for a young child to have It read to them, over and over and over again.

It is now available in over 40 Waterstones stores, and if the one near you doesn't stock it then demand to know why....... if you still cant find a copy visit http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/ where you can buy a personally signed copy.

Me and the Children's Laureate

2010-06-05T02:07:00.000+01:00

I got a rare glimpse of a superstar this week as Stockport art gallery played host to Anthony Browne - the Children's Laureate. I was quite excited at the prospect of meeting one of the leading figures in young children's literature, and even more so with the possibility of thrusting one of my books at him.

It was quite an exciting evening, especially as the girls got really involved, asking questions and taking part in the "shape game" ( the game where somebody draws a shape, then another person tries to turn it into a picture)... At one point Maya interrupted Anthony in mid flow to say.

" Actually, my daddy is a writer as well, and he's written The Hairy Plug Monster, Golden Arm and Zombelina",

And then she turned round to me with a big smile as if to say " there you go dad. your in there now."

At the end of the night, I grabbed an opportunity to speak not only to Anthony and give him a book, but also his publicist and a few of the officials from the library service. While I was hob-nobbing with the "hoy-poloy" Arisha and Maya were getting there photo's taken for the council...All in all a good PR exercise for the Marsh's

My Book - The Hairy Plug Monster is "ace", (if you agree please leave a comment on this blog, because there are a lot of people out there who still dont know about it.)

2010-05-25T13:53:00.003+01:00

June 3rd Radcliffe Lending Library
June 5th Big Story Weekend Waterstones Bury
June 24th Cheadle Primary School

Apparently I am not being brash enough with my posts and have been advised to be

"a bit more up front about the fact that I have one of the best children's stories written in ages, but nobody knows about it because I am too busy waffling on about "world cup songs, recipes, events and other stories I have written etc. and not doing what the blog was originally intended to do

telling people to BUY MY BOOK"

So this is me telling you - the reader, to buy my book because if you haven't bought it yet and you have young children... you are missing out on a real experience. There are so many children's books out there which, for want of a better word .... are utter rubbish..I despair sometimes when I go into a bookstore and see the same old tosh again and again.

The Hairy Plug Monster is a book which you will never read only once to your kids....since its publication, I have had hundreds of parents tell me how much they like the book and how often they have had to read it to their kids.

So if you have a copy of the book, please take a moment to leave a comment underneath this post to let everybody else know, because the best way of spreading the news is by word of mouth.

If you haven't got a copy, then you can order one through Waterstones (if they don't already stock it) and any other respectable bookseller throughout the World ( you may have to wait for a few days mind). If you want a personalised signed copy then order through the website http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

You might be wondering why I have changed the writing style of my blog to a more direct approach?. Well the answer is quite simple, we have another 3 books to publish including the much awaited Spooky Stories, which may never happen until we sell more copies of The Hairy Plug Monster.
5000 books is about 76 cardboard boxes and if we bring out the next three books, we just won't have anywhere to put another 15,000 the combined weight alone is about 4 tons, which would severely test the floor of the office where we currently store them.

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

The Hairy Plug Monster is .....Still doing it

2010-05-25T12:01:00.002+01:00

I went on the radio (again) to promote my World Cup Song Do it Again (in 2010) last Thursday, and apart from being pulled up on the fact that 'Lions' doesn't really rhyme with 'Crying', It seemed to go o.k.

(I think though that XFM may have got wise to the fact that occasionally I will send a text in for a song or just to make comment on the radio and sign it The Hairy Plug Monster, which gives the children's book another free mention). They seemed very reluctant to ask me what I did for a living - as if they already knew the answer. However not all the DJ's are that savvy, I did manage to get Clint Boon, formerly of the Inspiral Carpets and now the afternoon DJ on XFM Radio to mention The Hairy Plug Monster about three times in the same show using my marketing guerrilla tactics.

The song itself has made it though to the next stage and is available to listen to by clicking on the link and leaving a comment underneath www.xfm.co.uk/onair/shows/manchester/xfms-england-house-band-mondays-selection

The more comments we get then the more of a chance we will have of getting through to the final. As I see it, it is between Me and two others; Shine on England and the Accumulator. If I had to choose between the two of them I would probably give the edge to Shine on England....so now its a waiting game until they announce the finalists towards the end of May.

The Magic Sponge qualifies for the group stages

2010-05-13T00:25:00.001+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

I know I should write more, but there always seems very little to say. Most of this week has been spent pushing "Do it Again (in 2010) out over the internet and we have had some fantastic response. In a fit of delusion, I even sent a copy to Max Clifford (yes the) who represents Simon Cowell (yes the) in the hope that they would jump at the chance to make a quick buck. However I got a rather polite letter back from his PA explaining that they are already involved with another World Cup Song and couldn't take on the project. So they have had their chance, I suppose I am going to have to do it on my own.

All week I have been eagerly awaiting the XFM breakfast show to listen to what the competition have to offer, and unfortunately the standard is pretty high - so it is not going to be the cakewalk that I anticipated..

Today I got the call from Jim Salveson who is the producer for the morning show asking me if I wanted to be interviewed for tomorrows show .....er......hell yeh. So it looks like the song has at least qualified for the group stages. Paul didn't seem as enthusiastic when I told him that we might even win, which would mean writing another set to perform for the duration that England are in the World Cup.

Speaking of sets, there is a strong chance that I may be doing a gig with "Bez" from the Happy Mondays on July 23rd at Jabez Clegg's in Manchester. Although as the people organising the gig have yet to come through with anything tangible for me I choose to remain ambivalent for the time being. My own Static Island set is almost ready with the music complete and just the need to sit down and focus on writing some lyrics.

The HPM sales remain slow but I had an enquiry this week to conduct a workshop for pupils at Cheadle Primary School, which would be a bit different from just hosting a reading, as there would be a need to produce something there and then for and with the children. Unlike a lot of writers I sometimes find it hard to spontaneously produce anything of any merit, which is why I am behind on my goal of one story a month.

Finally, Barclays Bank are holding a competition to find the best regional start up business, which we entered yesterday. We basically needed to have a business plan in place with targets and aims.... which we have - together with products all ready to bring to market. What we don't have is the finance to make this happen, but with a 50k first prize being up for grabs.........keeeer - ching!!!!

As part of our entry we needed to make a two minute video for the judges, which in turn meant that I needed to create an original soundtrack to go with it. Imagine my surprise when I "nailed " in 2 hours, sometimes everything just falls into place. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYRkhgqVOFI

The World Cup Song. Do it Again (in 2010) by The Magic Sponge

2010-05-07T00:35:00.002+01:00

Local Radio Station XFM Manchester, are holding a competition at the moment to find a band which can come up with an iconic World Cup Song to be sang in the bars and pubs throughout the land. Not being one to pass up on a challenge, I got together with a former "jamming"buddy Paul Vallance and came up with a fair attempt at a "football song". Admittedly it's not in the same league as E is for England or 3 Lions for that matter, but it would give Fat Les a run for his money.

Its full of the necessary ingredients that a football song should have...simple rhythms, anthemic chants and lots of samples of John Motson et al singing the praises of England legends throughout the past decade or so.

Should we win, we get to perform live before Englands games on the 12th, 18th and 23rd. in Manchester....which will give me a huge opportunity to mention "The Book"...so there is a method to my madness.

Life is too short to take yourself too seriously and if I did that then I probably wouldn't have written The HPM at all.....anyway have a listen and make your own minds up, I would love to know what you think.

Bookings...for the festival season www.hairyplugmonster.com

2010-05-03T16:14:00.002+01:00

Dates for your diary

5th June                         Bury Waterstones
10th July                         Oxfam Bookfest Cheadle branch
22nd August                    Just So Festival Stafford.

Its the festival season again, with an official invite from the "Just So" organisers coming in the mail this week. They did ask me to specify any requirements that I may have....I was almost tempted to play "
Prima Donna" and ask for Evian on the table ... with fresh cut flowers blah blah blah, but as it will be the middle of summer - outside in a field, its probably wiser to ask for an umbrella more than anything else.

The Just So Festival looks like it is going to be well worth a visit www.justsofestival.org.uk - from what I can gather the weekend camping tickets sold out almost immediately which is not surprising given the wealth of talent that's on display.

People who are not interested in me this year are the Edinburgh Book Festival..and surprisingly Lymm ( I thought I was in there), who passed me over for the highly talented Craig Bradley.

So there are a few stars to aim for in the coming months.

The "Spooky Stories Collection" is coming on strong with "Miss Carr's Pies" getting the thumbs up from the gang on Facebook, and a couple of private readings over the phone gave me more encouragement. Given the age group for the stories, I have decided to double up the content to eight tales as opposed to four - ( the main reason being that you cant fob an 8 year old off with as many pictures.) This in itself has given me a bit of a dilemma because I need story matter for at least three of them.

I am toying with a friendlier style for the fifth called " Its Hard Being Brave When Your Only Eight", all about an evening walk in the park and all the "Monsters" that hide in the shadows.

Oxfam are holding their 2nd annual book festival in July 10th and have invited me to be the "guest author" as their store in Cheadle Village on the outskirts of Stockport. From what they were saying it gets really "rammed" in the morning so they have booked me for 10 - 12.
\
Finally Bury Waterstones are holding a "Big Kid's Day" which has been billed as their biggest children's event EVER!!!!

I am sharing the billing with Joseph Delaney who will be signing his book " Spooks" and the emphasis for the event is on "dark tales" so it seems like the perfect place to give " Spooky Stories " a test drive before it goes to print.

Radio Star

2010-04-26T12:50:00.000+01:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p007cs16/Heather_Stott_22_04_2010/

With most of Britain either avoiding the election or loitering around at airports waiting to either arrive or depart, I managed to get myself on the radio again via Michele and her superb PR skills. This time it was on BBC Radio Manchester on the Heather Stott Coffee Club, sharing the hour with Ruth Daniel who runs Fat Northerner Records and Sharon Peak - the Northwest Hairdresser of the Year. It was a really good experience and I was a lot more relaxed than before, to be honest I have not listened back to it so you will have to let me know...the ladies on the show seemed a lot more at home chatting together, but I suppose the art of conversation is one of those skills that improve the more times you do it. ( I think I need to jump back onto Google and look up how to sound good on radio....or just get out more)

We went through the papers and picked up on a few stories that made the news including rather uncomfortably, an article on debt...(which I seemed to have more of than the other independent women in the room) An article on honesty, and an article on reading in bed to your partner...( again not much to talk about there, not being one of the 7 in 10 who reads in bed.)

The rest of the week has been spent trying to write a solo set for Static Island (me ..as a musician) having become disillusioned with Swerve I am now actively seeking other projects, labels and producers. Strangely enough as soon as I had made the concious decision to go for it, I may have got myself an audition with Resist - a "Goth-Rock" band based not too far away and as I mentioned earlier I bumped into Ruth Daniel who I passed on a link of my earlier tracks to.. (still not heard a reply). It shouldn't be too long though before I get myself a "gig".

I did spend a rather unproductive morning emailing about 40 schools in the Trafford area asking if they would like me to visit, but have had no response as yet. I have to admit it gets really frustrating when that happens, as at the start of the year it seemed like the way forward, but it has been over a month since I last performed my work, and I feed of the energy that it produces.

I suppose in a way - it's a good thing, at least I will have more time to prepare for "celebritydom"

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

Media Darlings

2010-04-18T01:36:00.001+01:00

On Good Friday ( about two weeks ago now) I was invited onto Shine -T.V. to talk about my book with the girls. Even though it was only for 15 minutes it's still longer than any other tv appearance I have done. The invitation came via our brand new PR manager Michele Hart who managed to achieve in 2 minutes what we have been trying to do since the launch of the book - and that is get more people to realise we exist.

I shared the show with a real hero Alison Halstead who despite having a rare diabetic condition - has not let it get in the way of supporting the Rays of Sunshine Children's Charity and raising over 16 thousand pounds to help other childrens dreams come true. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Rays-of-Sunshine-Childrens-Charity/60569121064 .

Before the show I got to meet both her parents and sister, and after Maya and Arisha turned on the charm in no time at all we were all sat off screen digging in to coffee and biscuits. The girls and I signed a copy of the HPM and donated it to the charity and I offered to come and visit at some point in the future, which I hope comes true because rumour has it that there is a rather good chip shop.

The show itself was a bit of a blur, and I was looking forward to posting a link - but unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a DVD of the show anywhere as the station one was having "tech probs" on the day, so for all you know I could be making this up.

Last week I had an altogether different booking after being invited to be part of a live guest audience to comment on the political debate for the forthcoming elections....blimey talk about being out of my depth, I was told by the producer that there would be a cross section of the public in the room. But when I got to Dukes bar in Manchester and entered the Brindley Rooms upstairs, I almost wanted to turn around.

As well as Tony Livesy from Radio 5 live, there were a host of other leading political analysts and commentators from several newspapers to ensure "fairness and then the audience was made up of graduates, professionals etc, and on my table there was a medical pharmacist, a language and speech therapist, a professor of politics..........and me.

It was quite strange because normally you would think that spending at least 6 hours in a room solely focussing on political debate would be enough to put you to sleep....but I manage to concentrate for almost all of it. And although I had made up my mind to refrain from making any outlandish comments or jumping into an arguement that I would obviously lose, I couldn't help voicing an opinion on the fact that the three leaders did look a bit like they were on Blind Date with their opening statements. I had come to the conclusion that making a non political statement would hurt sales - afterall a voter is a potential "bookbuyer"

Inbetween the Radio and T.V show came Easter and again I wasn't really able to do anything worthwhile with the HPM...there was a brakedown in communication with the director of Zombelina, which is now resolved and I spat my dummy out at the Swerve Record label owner at his apathy - which is now also resolved.

Perhaps one of my major achievements is the fact that I have learnt to embed HTML code onto the blog, so for the first time you are able to hear a very rough recording of "Theme Music to the Hairy Plug Monster"... while on our sisterblog http://zombelina.blogspot.com/ you can hear the opening bars of what is going to be a moving soundtrack.

The thing's that dreams are made of......

2010-04-03T09:51:00.005+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

I have to admit, that following last weeks foray into the world of film and "Zombelina" taking her first tentative steps......I did allow myself to be distracted slightly.

After all its not everyday that one of your stories gets animated. to follow the development of the project, I have set up another blog http://zombelina.blogspot.com/ there is not much there at the moment but there will be some images and regular updates as and when I get them.

Meanwhile back at home, the kids are off again for two weeks, and the weather has taken a turn for the worse, leaving me housebound with the two girls bouncing off the walls looking for something to do. This has made writing almost impossible as each time I get into character, I am interrupted by " Dad - can I have?".

We did manage to get out a couple of times to the woods and go foraging for wild flowers which resulted in building up a generous supply of nettles and Herb Robert for tea drinking ( full of all the nutrients you don't seem to find in today's vegetables. Herb Robert is also known throughout folklore as a medicinal herb and has many properties that you should really look into).

I did manage to start on another story for the "Spooky Story Collection" about a chef in a countryside inn who has a novel way of dealing with unruly travellers.

Miss Carr's Pies

The pies of Miss Carr were the nicest by far,
the filling was rich and so tasty
The mouthwatering smell, that the town knew so well of the short crusted savoury pastry

But who knew the truth, why Miss Carr kept her youth
And could pass off for anyone’s daughter
Using secrets passed down from mother and gran, And the usual flour and cold water.

That's all there is so far, as it has been hard to get any time alone with the computer. Another major distraction has been my keyboard which has been out of its box all week, and has received more than its fair share of TLC.

It should be noted that when I was 12 one of my favourite bands were The Human League, and a recent airing of Synth Britannia followed by a short documentary of the band on BBC 4 rekindled a whole host of emotions as they went through the history of the synth-pop legends.

Thirty years on, they had been reduced to performing as part of an 80's tour before being signed up by Wall of Sound Records to release another album.

What has this got to do with anything?

Well, being a songwriter and a bit of a "keyboard whizz" myself, I convinced myself that I could possibly join up with the band and write some tunes for them.

( a bit like a young lad turning up with his boots at Old Trafford in the hope the SAF might ask him to come on in the second half.)

I then set about trying to track Phil Oakey down by joining various sites on Facebook and My Space and sending out random emails to him, before finally plucking up the courage to contact the record label direct.

Unfortunately the new album has already been written but has not yet been recorded - they did ask me to send some songs in, so you never know.........one of them may get included.

I can but dream

Zombelina -

2010-03-24T10:20:00.004Z

I have been keeping a low profile this week, firing off the odd e-mail here and there to bookshops and the like.

Instead, my energies have been thrown towards the development of a new project which has coincided with the collection of "spooky stories" I have been writing.

The project is quite simply " Zombelina", the sad story of a lonely Toymaker who wishes for a companion and makes a life size doll which he then brings to life with the help of a witch and a second hand spirit. Compared to all the other stories that I have written, this one is very dark and bereft of even the slightest bit of humour - so I don't quite know how its going to sit with the other material.

Because there are a lot of things in the pipeline for "Zombelina", which for the moment I am going to keep to myself, I have decided to start a new blog to track the progress of the story right up to Zombie Aid 3 and beyond....

Here are a few verses just to get your interest....

In the light of the moon, she stood tall above him, the smell of old leather and hops filled the air
She watched as a cloud of stale breath exhales gently
Excitement and thrill seemed to grip her intently

His unshaven face and the dirty complexion, contrasts with the snow as he lay on the ground
Her mouth filled with fresh flesh of newly killed meat
As she gorged all alone on the side of the street.

Her heart like a pocket watch, frantically beating – the minutes passed by as she feasted in rage
She’s only halted by footsteps behind her
And voices of drinkers that suddenly find her.

As I said its not really for kids - but it is a damn good story.

www.hairyplugmonster.com

The Hairy Plug Monster learns Telesales.

2010-03-17T13:37:00.004Z

Following my brief flirtation over the previous week and at Blackpool - the next two days were spent trying to convince independent booksellers to at least give me their email addresses so I could send them an information fact sheet.

" Hello my name is Leighroy Marsh and I am a children's author based in Stockport, (quick breath - but no pause)..I have just published my first book which has been compared with The Gruffalo and the Cat in the Hat and I wondered whether I could send you a quick email with more details on it"

Thankfully the majority of the booksellers, were fairly receptive to my cheeky approach, although I was surprised to find a few booksellers with a fairly elitist attitude,

" I haven't heard of it, so it cant be that good", ....hmmm

Unfortunately there is nothing more you can say to people like this, especially if they don't want to pass over their email address.

After initially exhausting the first 200 shops on my google search for booksellers in England, I returned to my database of Waterstones booksellers and have started to patiently and alphabetically collate telephone numbers and addresses, and again ring them up.

Having my book in 9 of their stores has helped and with the offer of SOR from Gardners, it should be a bit of a no brainer for the managers.

Time will tell.
http://www.blogger.com/www.hairyplugmonster.com

Anyway after drawing

Blackpool

2010-03-14T02:59:00.006Z

After almost feeling like a real author the previous week, the last 5 days were a bit like " the day after the lord mayors show". I had bookings for Tuesday and Friday, but with not much else in between.

Monday was International Womens Day, and so I decided to take a day off and head out to the countryside with Yulia, before returning home for a rather large tea with the girls. I have realised that, when there are people in the house it is almost impossible to focus on writing - as I am easily distracted. It would be nice to have a shed at the bottom of the garden just like Roald Dahl where I could hide for the day with a flask of tea and a pouch of tobacco, but I suppose I am just going to have to wait.

Lynne had arranged for me to return to Blackpool on Tuesday morning for several readings throughout the day. The first was at Boundary Library where I read to two schools, and received praise from the teachers and kids....( it goes without saying that Golden Arm was unanimously requested for an encore - with The Hairy Plug Monster hardly getting a look in when Lynne held a ballot amongst the pupils). We made our way across town to Bispham Library where we managed to cram another two classes into the children's section and gave another hours performance before taking lunch.

It was fun working with Lynne as I realised that over the course of the two days, we had developed an understanding which meant that the performances had strong continuity and the pauses were not too long. She was also able to advise when my voice became too quiet or was lost amongst the high ceilings.

Following on from a prawn cocktail we then moved across to the newly built, state of the art Devonshire Primary School, which is possibly the "coolest school" I have ever been to. Huge wide corridors, minimalist design, rooftop gardens and playgrounds, hexagonal assembly halls and an inspirational library all made for a memorable visit. We were performing in the "Studio" where they even had a story-telling chair.

At first I said I need to earn the right to sit in it, and needless to say, the kids demanded that I sat in the chair after entertaining them for half an hour- before scaring them senseless. Raaaaaaaaagh!!!!

The day came to a close with a reading at the Revoe Library, where they even had worked on a collage of Hairy Plug Monsters to promote the reading to a small group of older children as part of the after school "Chatterbooks" club.

World Book Week - My Diary,

2010-03-06T04:22:00.011Z

What a fantastic week, World Book Week turned out to be..It almost feels that we are there...well almost.

On March 1 I kicked of the tour with a visit to Armitage School in Ardwick Manchester and had a really enjoyable morning reading to the pupils and teachers...it was the same format as before, starting off safe with a reading of the HPM before hitting them right between the eyes with Golden Arm. I have noticed that three stories and questions fills about 30 mins, and it was possible to visit at least 5 classes in the morning...with the elder children being treated to a reading of Commander-in-chief-of the-World. ( Which raised a few eyebrows amongst the teachers). Unfortunately there was also a booking at the school with a drama teacher, so use of the hall was restricted as was reading to the Year 6's...regardless it still went well....I couldn't help smiling as one of the year 4 girls, asked me :

"how famous are you?, cos I've never heard of you"...as I walked into the classroom, and at the end she surprised me by asking for an autograph

March 2nd and I had my first library session for the week in Warrington, where I managed to find the central library with only seconds to spare. In I raced, and immediately set about my repertoire with gusto. Honor Giles (the story teller and Lymm Festival Coordinator) came down to "check out my wears" and to see if "I could walk the walk" with regards to the material being suitable for a festival, and hopefully I made the grade...in all the excitement I forgot which school came to visit - but Chris Everette - The Children's Library Coordinator did manage to get some pictures which I will post as soon as they are forwarded on to me. After another successful reading we moved over to Padgate Library, only to find that they had booked the school in for Thursday instead of Tuesday. C'est la vie..

Chris and I decided to visit the school instead and give an impromptu reading, rather than miss the opportunity altogether - so after gatecrashing a maths lesson, we rounded up 2 year 5 classes and read the HPM and the two Ghost Stories to the unsuspecting pupils. Again they lapped it up and again were left with the shivers.

After the reading I met up with Mum, and we went for some dinner - before meeting up at Orford Library to read again to some Year one classes from a nearby school.....(apologies again because I have forgotten the name). I even brought out Be Careful Ethel, which I had omitted from my "set" because I thought it was a bit tame, but everybody seemed to like it, and the children found it quite amusing.

Wednesday March 3rd was my big trip to the seaside and spend the day with the delightful Lynne Cowat-French, the Children's coordinator for Blackpool Library Services. Our first stop was at Thames Primary School, situated directly behind the pleasure beach and they even had one of the ancient roller-coasters bordering the playground, which must be quite surreal in the summer months.

Thames was originally an old Victorian school, and the acoustics in the hall were superb and added to the suspense. As Lynne was the ex-headteacher for nearby Arnold School, she had organised for them to attend as well, so the small hall looked really packed. Thankfully, they were not disappointed as over the course of the hour, I read the HPM and HPM G2Town, Be Careful Ethel and Golden Arm.

At the end of the reading, Lynne conducted a poll for a repeat performance and the result wasn't really a surprise. The children all wanted Golden Arm again - I was a bit worried that reading it to the children again may not have the same impact, but I was wrong, in fact I was very wrong....even though every one in the room new what was coming, I raised my voice slightly and paused the punchline for about 5 seconds longer......and guess what?

We then went a mile further down the road to Hawes Side Primary School and repeated the performance to another 100 or so children with an encore, and had exactly the same results. I have to admit, I was feeling rather "awesome" knowing that over the week I had perfected a performance formula that enthralls and entertains children for nearly an hour. 4 poems interspersed with the occasional anecdote and an open question and answer session.

I was even treated to lunch with Lynne, before making my way to Our Lady of the Assumption RC School for the afternoon session. Just like before the reading went well although the kids in the hall were taking advantage of the fact that there were no teachers (only supply teachers) and it was left to Lynne to impose a bit of order on the children - saying that though...Golden Arm got their attention with little effort.

It seems all I have to do is say " Who wants to hear a ghost story?"

We did have a walk in session at Palatine Library, scheduled for 3.45 and although I turned up, there was a distinct shortage of children, so in the end I only read to about three children individually before Lynne suggested that we call it a day and go and get a cup of tea.

Thursday 4th March and this time I was at Manley Park in Whalley Range Manchester, for World Book Day, I had been looking forward to this as the booking was made in January and after getting the girls ready in their fancy dress costumes, (Arisha as "Miranda" complete with a home made dress she had designed totally out of socks, while Maya had snakes made out of material weaved in her hair to look like Medusa). I had overlooked the fact that I hadn't got a costume.

This became more obvious, when I arrived at Manley Park and saw that everyone, even the teachers had dressed up - leaving me to think fast on my feet and tell them that I had come as "Charlie Bucket"

The readings at the school had been scheduled for 20 minute slots and I was ushered through about 6 classes in the morning and 2 performances in the neighbouring upper junior school before at least 200 pupils (some of which were bigger than I was).

I knew straight away when the older kids came in that reading "The HPM" and other material wasn't going to cut it so I relied more heavily on The Commander-in-Chief of the World and Golden Arm to bail me out.

It was also strange to note that one of my usual answers I give to people when they ask about why I became a writer got possibly more interest than questions about the stories themselves.

When they ask "Why do all your stories rhyme?" I tell them about spending 25 years as a songwriter and writing over 200 songs - which are all "rubbish" ( this isn't true of course - because a lot of my songs are pretty damn good - but I will save that for another blog) and I tell then that I decided to cheer up and write songs for children, which then turned into stories in a rhythmical form.

Anyway the children at Manley Park were very much interested in my career as a wannabe "pop star" ,

Friday 5th March, after one week of solid readings all over the North West, my final appearance was in the charming village of Tottington just on the outskirts of Bury, where Alison Davies was my companion for the day - joined briefly with Alison Bond in the morning. I started off reading to Tottington Nursery and found that two stories is more than enough for pre-schoolers before being treated to a brilliant rendition of " Baby Sharks" by Alison Bond.

Mid Morning we were joined by year 4's from the nearby Tottington Primary School and without wishing to repeat myself - it was a resounding success....during the telling of Golden Arm I even made on of the kids jump so much that he literally fell over. Proof in anyone's eyes that the story is definitely destined for bigger things..

We then paid a visit to Tottington Primary in the afternoon and gave reading to another 5 classes starting from the nursery - reception and on to years 1, 2 and three.

my efforts were rewarded with the Head asking me to sign 71 books before I left. Amusingly I sat in the staffroom repeating the mantra;

"I must not write popular children's books if I want to go home early on a Friday".

Finally to round off a very busy week in anyone's eyes, I headed off to Waterstones in Bury to give a reading, only to find that there wasn't any children - so after an hour of reading "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" to myself in the corner, and selling a few books to the store owner Rachel, I finally got to go home and pour myself a well earned glass of wine.

www.hairyplugmonster.com

Preparing for World Book Week

2010-02-23T21:24:00.007Z

HPM had another large day today, after I took full advantage of the girls return to school - Feeling pretty "smug" about all of the bookings for next week, it suddenly dawned on me that outlets for the HPM are still limited to shops in and around the Stockport area.

Having already established a small profile with Waterstones, I rang the Warrington, Bury and Blackpool branches and told them how good the book was, and that I was in their respective areas during World Book Week and would they like to stock my book - this resulted in orders from all three shops, and an additional reading at the Bury branch on Friday 5th.

I also managed to place books with Plackitt and Booth in Blackpool, http://www.plackittandbooth.co.uk/page5.html

and also the pleasantly named bookstore "Curiosity Bookstore" in Runcorn. http://curiositybookshop.tbpcontrol.co.uk/TBP.Web/CustomerAccessControl/Home.aspx?d=curiositybookshop&s=C&r=10000147&ui=0&bc=0 So after a relatively slow start, February looks like it is going to be a good month.

I also contacted the organisers of the Edinburgh Book Festival, to see how my application to take part had been received, and was told to not be so impatient as these things take time. ( patience isn't my strongest characteristic.)

A couple of weeks ago, I made contact with Honor Giles, the organiser of the local Lymm Festival who seemed quite enthusiastic about my taking part. I emailed Honor again today and had a good chat about "Golden Arm" which I told her I heard once as a small boy and re-jigged. I was delighted to receive her version of "Golden Arm" which she orates as part of her other role as a real "storyteller".

The version below is distilled for publication and much more detailed in the telling.

http://www.mtmpresentations.co.uk/index.php/vmchk/children-s-entertainers/honor-giles-story-teller/detailed-product-flyer.html

The version I tell involves a rich landowner's beloved and beautiful wife who loses her arm in a riding accident. He can't bear to see her so depressed, especially when she won't go out in company any more or wear her gorgeous frocks, so he gets all the famous doctors in the country to come up with a solution, and one comes up with a new technique to attach a false arm, but it has to be made of solid gold. The landowner sells most of his assets to pay for the gold, and for a year the transplant is a success and his wife becomes sociable again and even becomes quite proud of this new limb. By this time her husband has very little land or money left and has to beg for work, but to him the sacrifice is worth it. His wife eventually succumbs to infection and dies, and is buried with her arm. After grieving terribly and becoming more or less penniless, he realises that the only way he will survive is by reclaiming the arm and selling the gold. He goes to the graveyard at dead of night, choosing Halloween so that the neighbours will think it is the ghouls and ghosts at work, and digs up the coffin (lots of ghastly description of what a rotting body feels like to touch!) and eventually he finds the arm and runs home in a dreadful state, dashes upstairs and flings the arm under the bed, jumps in and covers himself with the blankets. Once his heart has stopped hammering, he calms down, but then he hears the sound of a horse coming up the gravel drive, then the sound of footsteps coming to the front door, then the footsteps coming up the stairs, then along the corridor, then the sound of the bedroom door opening, then the footsteps coming towards the bed, then the covers are pulled back from his face and sees the spectral figure of his wife. He is so overwhelmed by her loss of beauty that he asks her "Where is your beautiful chestnut hair" and she replies "Gone ... all gone" in sepulchral tones. He asks about her eyes, nose, lips and lily white throat and she repeats her reply in an ever-increasingly ghoulish fashion. Eventually, forgetting himself for the moment, he asks "And where is your beautiful golden arm?? ................YOU'VE GOT IT!

I think it is really interesting that there are versions which reverse the gender role, and where as your version is strong on revenge and just deserts, my version depends on a build up from a love story into something horribly macabre. I was told it by a storyteller Taffy Thomas, who heard it from Norma Waterson who said it was a Yorkshire tale, but I suspect one can hear versions of it all over the UK!

More tales from the book tour. http://hairyplugmonster.com

2010-02-20T18:35:00.004Z

With Arisha and Maya being on holiday (again) and all the schools joining them, it was a quiet week for the Hairy Plug Monster. Although, having said that, we did spend an enjoyable Monday in Halton just outside of Runcorn at the Halton Brook Children's Centre and the Brookvale Children's Centre to give readings of the book.

Again the reading went well, and again the parents and children seemed to love it. The day was rounded off quite nicely with a craft session where the children made their very own Hairy Plug Monster out of play dough, wool and glitter. (I did have a go myself, but my efforts were pretty poor, it must be said).

The rest of the week was spent taking the dog for a walk in the daytime, around various parts of the Peak District, and together with Maya and Arisha, we built several shelters in Lyme Park out of branches and leaves....a-la Ray Mears.

Saturday, was again devoted to spreading the word of the HPM with an invitation to give a reading at the newly opened Young Children's section at Bolton Central Library, where I had a really enjoyable afternoon reading to the " young Boltonians" and chatting to the library staff, who seemed very enthusiastic about the book and my other verse. For anyone who hasn't been to Bolton Central Library and finds themselves in the vicinity - it is well worth a look. Especially the Aquarium on the basement floor. ( The museum on the first floor is closed until November 2010, but there is more than enough going on to keep you occupied for a few hours in the rest of the building.)

After reading the book and a few other poems to anyone who would listen, and having a chat with Rebecca and Iklas - a couple of young aspiring writers. I made my way to Didsbury and my second booking of the day Razma Reads. http://www.razmareads.com/ where I hosted story time to a packed bookstore.

The Childrens Literature specialist, Razma Reads was the perfect place to spend a chilly February afternoon in the company Claire, the owner and her staff and after refuelling at the in-store coffee bar I was more than ready to read the HPM again for her clients.

I was even accosted by another children's writer who was in the same position that I was in 15 months ago, with a story that he wanted to turn into a book and wanted to know the best way of going about it. So after a good long chat, he hopefully left with a better idea of what needed to be done.

I did leave him with the disclaimer that I was by no means an expert, and only have one book published a the moment, so my experience in the big wide world of publishing "may count for diddly".

However if he does see the project through - I expect a mention somewhere in his book, ( you know who you are.)

World Book Week, bookings for the HPM

2010-02-16T09:25:00.003Z

1st March Armitage School, Ardwick
2nd March 9.30 - 10.30 Warrington Library

11.30 - 12.30 Padgate Library
14.00 - 15.00 Orford Library

3rd March 09.30 - 10.30 Thames Primary School (Blackpool)
11.00 - 12.00 Venue Hawes Side Primary School
13.30 - 14.30 Venue Our Lady of the Assumption Catholic Primary school
15.45 - 16.30 Venue Children's Area @ Palatine Library.

4th March Manley Park Whalley Range

5th March Bury Tottington Library

http://www.blogger.com/www.hairyplugmonster.com

2 down - A few to go.......www.hairyplugmonster.com

2010-02-15T23:08:00.006Z

I am Commander-in-Chief-of-the-world and I haven’t got time to tidy my room,
Alien invaders need to be stopped,
Only I can save us from doom.

If you give me five minutes, I’ll stop the attack, and send them all back into space
For I am Commander in Chief of the World, and everything else has to wait.

“Tidy your room, and take out the trash – I’ve asked you enough times already today”
“Mum – wait till I’ve won, I’ll be quick as a flash…it’s important to finish my play”

As he gripped the controls on his smart games console, the spaceship explodes with a flash and a hiss
He was winning the war, with an all time high score.
Nobody nowhere was better than this.

Then the TV. went blank and the world wasn’t saved – somebody, somewhere,
had turned off the power.
“You need some fresh air, it’s a beautiful day – Go out and I don’t want you back for an hour”

and so he went out,
without lasers or guns,
no spaceship to take him around
The Commander in chief – had to wait for a bus
While his mother drove off into town.

While he stood at the stop at the top of his road, and played with the bus fare he held in his hand.
He was joined by a wizened old man with a bag
-That was tied with a thick rubber band.

Politely, The Commander-in-Chief of the World, said “Hello”, and the wizened old man nodded back.
He ask with a laugh, “Do you know what I have?” through a smile that was toothless and crooked and black.

"Inside this bag, Is a game that I’ve made",
as he pierced the Commander in Chief with a stare
"It’s a game like no other before - that you’ve played, So real and intense,
You could swear that you’re there".

He opened the bag for the boy to look in, and his eyes opened up as he stared deep inside
A shimmering, shiny ,strange light glowed within, pulsating and spinning like something alive.

........................................................................................................................................

Find out what happens to The Commander-in-Chief of the World in "Spooky Stories" due for publication Halloween 2010

Word is slowly getting out.

2010-02-06T19:52:00.014Z

Quite a busy week for the HPM with 5 readings booked all over the region.

St Mathews C of E Primary in Edgeley invited me to read on Monday, and were kind enough to give me a selection of the pictures that some of the pupils had drawn. Again the children were very receptive to both Hairy Plug Monster and even more so to Golden Arm.

Tuesday saw me return to Broadoak Primary School in Didsbury for a bout of book signings in the morning and the day after I spent a pleasurable morning at Lane End Primary in Cheadle Hulme. On Thursday, I took the HPM all the way up to Crumpsall in north Manchester to Bowker Vale Primary and spent a full day reading to 10 classes ranging from nursery school all the way up to year 6.

Golden Arm again proved a great favourite amongst the pupils and their reaction was brilliant, it seems the more children are engaged in the story and following each verse, then the more likely they are to jump right at the end.

Etchells Primary in Heald Green rounded off a busy week on Friday, with me reading to the nursery classes and a few year one classes that I didn't manage to reach the previous week.

Orders for the book were strong, but more importantly the books that we sent to the regional library headquarters were well received and have resulted in a booking at Halton Children's Centre on the 15th Feb, followed by a prestigious reading at the opening of Bolton Central Library on the 20th. Warrington Library on the 3rd March and Blackpool Library on the 4th before heading over to Tottington Library on the 5th, before returning to Blackpool on the 9th.

Copies of the HPM have even been sent across the Pennines and I received this email from Shelly Bullas in Halifax.

Hello Leighroy

Thank you for sending us a copy of The Hairy Plug Monster. What a fantastic book! I loved the illustrations and rhyming story. I can’t wait to read it at story time. I will definitely buy some additional copies for our branch libraries.

Many thanks and good luck!

Shelley Bullas
Co-ordinator: Children's and Young People's Libraries Services
Discover: children's & schools' services, libraries, museums and arts
Central Library
Halifax
HX1 1UN

http://www.blogger.com/www.hairyplugmonster,com

Dates for your calendar in February

2010-02-02T21:14:00.004Z

1st St Mathews Cof E Primary Stockport
2nd Broadoak Lane Primary Didsbury
3rd Lane End Primary Cheadle Hulme
4th Bowker Vale Primary School Crumstall

15th 10-11am Halton Lodge Children's Centre.Grangeway, Runcorn WA7 5LU.
11-12pm Halton Brook Children's Centre, Fernhurst, Runcorn WA7 2NJ
12-3pm Brookvale Children's Centre, Woodhatch Rd, WA7 6BZ

2oth Bolton Central Library Guest Author for the re-opening
20th 3pm Razma Reads Didsbury Story time
21st Waterstones Stockport Storytime.

Ssh!!

2010-01-30T02:13:00.003Z

Not seeming to be having any luck with getting bookings from the schools... ( possible only 10% of those who I have contacted, ever got back to me...I decided to contact Noreen Renshaw from the Stockport Library Service and offer to visit the local libraries in Stockport to perform readings. I wasn't feeling too optimistic due to the fact that she was one of the of the first people to buy several copies of the first edition, and may have even forgotten about me by now. However she did remember and even mentioned a few other people that I should contact from outside the borough who may be interested. A quick google search on on of the names came up with a website which listed all of the respective district library managers for the whole of the North West and subsequently for the rest of the U.K. as well.

Finding a lead like this is like gold dust, so again my Monday was spent on the phone haranguing the unsuspecting "good people" of libraries throughout the North West to see if they would be interested in receiving a copy of the Hairy Plug Monster with a view to stocking it. I "bigged myself up" again on the phone by telling them that the HPM has been compared to the Gruffalo and The Cat in the Hat....(which is a very bold claim to make) and sent off e-mails and letters.

Subsequently I have now got 2 definite bookings in Bury and Runcorn which could possibly lead to them stocking the book as well. I also got the feeling that the library service seems to have very good lines of communication, as some of the coordinators even told me that they were just talking about my book and were expecting my call.

We sent a copy to Chris Everett from the Warrington Borough Council who sent this fantastic email back to us today.

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/reviews.html
Hi Leighroy I have just received a copy of your book. Thanks so much for sending it as it really cheered up my Friday afternoon. We have been having a mini story time in the library, with my colleague Janet (adult stock manager) reading the book to me. As you can imagine we do get a lot of books sent through for us to read, but this really stands out as one of the best. We will definitely be buying copies via Bertrams, and I was wondering if you are still giving free story sessions at libraries. I will pass on the details to our primary schools too. Good luck with the book, and congratulations on producing such a fun story that I know will be enjoyed.

Chris Everett
Development Librarian -
Youth,Warrington Borough Council -
Leisure, Culture and Heritage Service,
Libraries, Learning and Heritage Division,

Feeling a lot more confident than I maybe should have been, I audaciously emailed the organisers of the Edinburgh Book Festival, Hay Book Festival, and Lymm Festival to ask if I can attend and have a slot to read in....I haven't heard anything yet, but with a bit of luck I may just get a booking for one of them. ( My money is on the Lymm one).

Two definite festivals which will host The Hairy Plug Monster are

Just So Festival August 20 - 22 http://www.justsofestival.org.uk/whats-on

And

Zombie Aid which hasn;t got a confirmed date or venue, but welcomed my offer to host a children's tent and tell Golden arm and the othe stories from the book. I also spoke to Carl Whiteley ( the Head Zombie) about working on a project together about an "undead vertically-challenged "girl called Zombelina which may get turned into a stop motion short.

My contact in Japan ( who doesn't want to be identified ) also sent me some classic Japanese picture books to give me a better understanding of the market and what quality is required.

I am Commander-in-Chief of the World.

2010-01-23T02:09:00.004Z

Quite a hectic week this week, as the book tour regathered momentum and visited;

Briscoe Primary School
East Didsbury Primary School
Norris Bank Primary School
and I even had chance to re-visit Great Moor Infants, to read the HPM to the reception classes.

I have been refining my performance technique and working on voice projection, so now even when I read to a full school in the assembly hall - I know that they can hear me at the back. (Anyone who has ever tried to have a conversation with me, will know that I used to be the worlds greatest mumbler.....well not any more, its taken 40 years but at least now you know what I am saying).

From what I have noticed, Golden Arm has swiftly become more popular than the HPM with me reading the tale all the way from year 1 to year 6 ( I cant bring myself to scare the reception classes, because that would be too cruel).

I have started work on the second spooky tale called Commander-in-Chief of the World, which is about a young boy who does nothing but play video games. One day when his mother has had enough and tells him to go out for some fresh air, he meets a man who sells him a game that no-one else has ever played.

When the boy goes home to play, he finds that every hit that his spaceship takes - makes his house shudder, and it isn't long before he realises that he is playing the game for his own survival. Below are the opening verses, (which still need a bit of fine tuning)

I am Commander-in-Chief-of-the-world and I haven’t got time to tidy my room,
Alien invaders need to be stopped,
Only I can save us from doom.

If you give me five minutes, I’ll stop the attack, and send them all back into space
For I am Commander in Chief of the World, and everything else has to wait.

“Tidy your room, and take out the trash – I’ve asked you enough times already today”
“Mum – wait till I’ve won, I’ll be quick as a flash…it’s important to finish my play”

As he gripped the controls on his smart games console, The spaceship explodes with a flash and a
hiss.

He was winning the war, with a brand new high score.

Nobody, nowhere was better than this.

Then the t.v. went blank and the world wasn’t saved - somebody somewhere,
had turned off the power.

“You need some fresh air, it’s a beautiful day – I don’t want you back for an hour”

And so he went out,
without lasers or guns,
no spaceship to take him around

The Commander in chief – had to wait for a bus
While his mother drove off into town.

Is it right to make your audience smile and jump at the same time??

2010-01-17T22:25:00.003Z

www.hairyplugmonster.com

I really did intend to hit the ground running in 2010, but the "big freeze" meant that schools were closed and peoples minds were on other things instead of my book. So all my plans were put back a week while I went on a mission to find two sledges for my daughters. After three days of hunting high and low I finally managed to get some and then the remainder of the week was spent chaperoning Arisha and Maya around the snow covered hills in the area, and making vats of soup to keep them warm.

Finally the schools did reopen and I was back on the telephones ringing around and "bigging myself up". Having exhausted the schools in Stockport, it was now time to lead an assault on the Manchester LEA, but rather disappointingly only a handful responded to my emails offering the chance of a "real author" to visit and give readings to the pupils.

Its a bit of a catch 22 situation - The Hairy Plug Monster is a relative newcomer (even though Twitter Followers and Facebook Friends are probably fatigued with it by now). The word hasn't filtered down to the schools yet, and the only way we can get to inform the kids ( who will hopefully then go and tell their parents about the book) is to visit their schools and give readings and basically perform the poems so it leaves an imprint.

However, if the schools don't know who you are, they are less inclined to invite you in the first place.....

"Leighroy Who? , never heard of you !!".

With this in mind I have decided to put 110% into the schools that have invited me, and have been working on my performance skills ( I have a CSE in Drama .....don't you know).

The results of my labours became apparent this week when I visited Lisburne Lane School and Reddish North Primary. Having read The Hairy Plug Monster, I then move on to Golden Arm, which is fast becoming a favourite, but I warn the pupils that it is a ghost story, so they must promise not to jump....

Naturally, because of the way that it is written and delivered - they jump, despite my warnings to them. I have also started to hide my face just as I get to the line,

"Then the cupboard doors open, and he screamed......."

Before thrusting my head forward through the pages ( as if they were doors) and shouting

" YOU'VE GOT IT",

Simple, but really effective. As yet, I haven't come across a poem that literally makes the audience jump and I have to admit it is gratifying to see its effect.

Happy New Year from the Hairy Plug Monster

2010-01-03T20:59:00.004Z

The HPM took a back seat over the Christmas period as the girls were off school, and there was snow everywhere - however as the handbrake comes off 2010 and January is put into first gear, I am itching for the schools to reopen and invite me in.

Bookings for January so far

6th Reddish Primary School
13th Lisburne Lane Primary School
22nd Heaton Norris Primary School
23rd Waterstones Altrincham 11.00 Reading
28th Warren Wood Primary School
29th Etchells Primary School

Just before the Christmas holidays I did get chance to read Golden Arm to the pupils of Ladybrook Primary and Adswood Primary schools and the response was brilliant. I was initially worried that the poem may be too long, but that seems unfounded especially as I walked about the classroom - "Brechtian style", making sure I made eye contact with everyone and when I was sure I had their attention I put extra emphasis in the words and steadily increased the tension to the end before delivering the " YOU'VE GOT IT" line with gusto.

Golden Arm - A Ghost Story

2009-12-16T10:32:00.003Z

Golden Arm - A ghost story
by Leighroy Marsh

This is a tale that my Grandad told me,
As I sat as a child on his old bony knee
It isn’t a tale full of joy or of charm,
But a tale full of woe and a stolen gold arm

You should stop reading now if you easily spook
You should stand up and choose a more friendlier book
You should stop reading now if you don’t like to JUMPBecause this is a tale that will make your heart thump

Its starts long ago with poor Montague Law
Who was missing an arm, when he returned from the war
He lost it at battle, defending the king
Along with his bracelet, his wristwatch and ring

The king was quite grateful, and pulled out his sword
Pointed at Monty – and made him a Lord
Lord Montague Law, the Brave and the bold
I’ll reward you again with an arm made of gold.

And so he returned to his wife and his farm,
With a chestful of medals and a solid gold arm
Where he kept it on show in a special glass box
Next to his trousers, his jumpers and socks

The years soon passed by, and Lord Monty took ill
And despite all the potions and lotions and pills
Old Montague knew that his time had arrived
So he called from his bed for his beautiful bride

The angels are calling, I don’t have much time
And so I am leaving you all that is mine
You can have all that belongs to the farm
As long as you bury me with my gold arm.

Lord Montague’s wife said she’d do what she’s told
And bury her husband along with his gold
But deep down she knew what she could do instead
And in place of the arm, She would bury some bread

And that very night, Lord Montague died,
With his wife feeling saddened alone by his side
Then she rolled up her sleeves and brought flour from the barn
And baked through the night, a quite tasty bread arm

Nobody noticed his arm was a dud
If fact they all said that he smelt rather good
As they lowered Lord Montague’s box in the hole
Then left the poor widow alone, unconsoled.

But the tears that she cried were really of glee
She could sell the gold arm for a million or three
And spend all the money on trinkets and rings
A car and a castle and a few other things

She thought of the things that she wanted the most
As she sat at the table eating her toast
She wondered if she had committed a crime
Then decided aloud that the “arm should be mine”

From the cellar downstairs, she heard a door creak
“Is there somebody there” she wanted to speak
But the toast was quite dry, and it stuck in her throat
So she picked up the lantern and put on her coat

Its probably the wind she thought to herself
As she reached for the keys on the top of the shelf
She pulled on the handle and opened the door
And shined the light down on the cold cellar floor

The kitchen grew colder and the fire didn’t flicker
The wind started howling and yowling much quicker
Lord Monty’s wife, looked round at her home
And got the strange feeling she not on her own

Her face turned an ashen, pale, light shade of yellow
As she heard the voice growl from the bowels of the cellar
A voice full of menace and full of alarm
That repeated quite softly" Where is my arm"

What was that sound? Was it really his ghost?
As she nibbled and nibbled on the cold piece of toast
The thump, and the thud, of the feet on the stairs
The type of sound found in the darkest nightmares.

And now the voice called from behind the closed door
The ghost of her husband? but could she be sure?
She turned the key quick and made sure it was locked
As the ghost clenched his fist and he knocked and he knocked.

There was a crash, as the door to the cellar gave way
And the ghost of Lord Monty looked in with dismay,
His voiced echoed wildly and cut through the calm,
What did you do?, oh my dear, with my arm?

The widow was scared and she started to shiver
Her legs turned to jelly, her hands were a quiver
She fell to her knees and repeated her prayers
And then quick as a flash – she legged it upstairs

................................................................................

Find out what happens to Lord Montague's Wife in " Spooky Stories" due for publication on Halloween 2010

Text - Plugs .....Rock and Roll.

2009-12-14T11:25:00.003Z

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

Another successful week of promoting the book started with on Monday phoning up the schools in the local area again in a bid to fill next years calender with readings. (which I am happy to say is slowly filling at a pleasurable rate).

The word is definitely out regarding the book amongst schoolkids, and coupled with a successful craft fair on Thursday at Great Moor and then a reading that afternoon, I almost felt like a celebrity. A few of the children recognised me in the playground afterwards as I was collecting my daughter, pointing and saying

" look daddy that man's an author"

- Text, Plugs and Rock and Roll.

"Golden Arm" is coming along really well, and I am almost pushing 15 verses - which for me isn't bad. I have set myself the task of finishing it by Thursday so I can read it to the children of Adswood Primary School the following day ( they are the official critics of my work).

If inspiration allows I might even be able to cobble together a Christmas Plug Monster tale in time for the big day, as the opportunity for the HPM and all those cake and pies is far too good to miss.

My reading at Waterstones in Stockport went well, with almost all of the copies being sold again, despite a lack of children in the store. The Waterstones staff seemed to like it, which I suppose counts for a lot.

In between sales I busied myself going through the works of the competition, and must have read about 20 or so picture books - and without wishing to sound too over confident,

"My book rocks !!!".

So much so that I stalked a few unsuspecting parents and grandma's who were out doing their last bits of Christmas shopping, and each time one of them approached the children's book section I offered them a card and a copy of the Hairy Plug Monster to read as a valid alternative to other equally appealing works.

The talks with the Japanese seem to have stalled a bit with the HPM appearing to be a tad undesirable for the Japanese sensitivities, although unsurprisingly the Australians were a lot more receptive.

I can't really go into too much detail yet because its all waffle at the moment, but rumour has it that something more concrete may be on the horizon. One thing which does look like happening is the commissioning of new specialised works for the Japanese markets, albeit slightly removed from my usual style and a bit more sanitized and watered down.

No "burps" and no "slurps".

I will let you know more in January.

A few sample verses from Golden Arm... a kids horror story

2009-12-06T21:16:00.003Z

I am at the beginning of another poem, but am not too sure whether it may be too scary for children, here are a couple of verses - I would be very interested to know what you think.

Its not set in stone yet, so a lot of this may change. Its based on a ghost story that I was told when I was about 5 or 6 and have never forgotten.

There is an old general who loses his arm in the war and has it replaced with an arm made of gold. On his death bed he demands that his wife burries the arm with him and the wife reluctantly agrees. However his wife doesn't want to see that much gold disappear forever, so she digs up his grave and takes the arm back and that very same evening the ghost of her husband returns to reclaim his arm.

The verses below are when the wife realises she is not alone in the house.

Her face turned an ashen, pale, light shade of yellow
As she heard the voice growl from the bowels of the cellar
A voice full of menace and full of alarm
That repeated quite softly
" Where is my arm"

What was that sound? Was it really his ghost?
As she nibbled and nibbled on the cold piece of toast
The thump, and the thud, of the feet on the stairs
The type of sound found in your darkest nightmares.

And now the voice called from behind the closed door
The ghost of her husband? but could she be sure?
She turned the key quick and made sure it was locked
As the ghost clenched his fist and he knocked and he knocked.

As I said its just a doodle at the moment, but I would love to finish it and read it out to a slightly older audience. As you can imagine there is a punchline. that will hopefully scare the Bjeezus out of the listener.

After all these years, I think I have found the perfect job!!

2009-12-05T10:20:00.003Z

This week, it all fell into place. After spending years trying to find where I am supposed to fit -I finally found the answer.

Write kids stories, take them to schools, read them to kids and write more stories.

It is simple - in fact I am a bit gutted that I haven't thought of it before. This week found me ringing up the schools in the local area one by one ( just like telesales) and asking whether they would be interested in me attending (as an author ) and reading my book the their pupils. And slowly but surely I have started taking bookings for readings at the schools.

The diary is slowly starting to fill up with readings booked for
10th Dec at Great Moor
17th Dec at Ladybrook School

with an additional 3 more in January, which I have no doubt I will add to. I think once the Christmas term is over It should be easier to get schools interested - I mean after all it's not as if I am battling with an army of other authors.

The two that I visited this week, had stark differences in their makeup but the results were the same - The children loved The Hairy Plug Monster. Again my timing is a bit off, as I am competing with Christmas fairs, carol services and nativity plays, but regardless -I visited St - Bernadette's RC School in Brinnington and Mersey Vale in Heaton Mersey and again saw the eyes of the KS1 children open as they heard about the exploits of the Monster that lives under the bath.

Kul Cuthbert is featured in the Thursday edition of the Manchester Evening News which should raise the profile of the book just before Christmas.

Everything is looking good for the coming new year, regardless of what happens in Japan.

Adswood Primary School has been selected to test drive future HPM MEDIA Ltd material. http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

2009-11-28T09:06:00.005Z

After the previous reading at the Fruit Cake not going so well, I was back on the phone on Monday to schools in the local area to see if they wanted me to attend and perform a reading to their pupils. After all, the more children are aware of the book then the more likely they are to buy it.

We had quite a good response from a few schools, with Lisburne Lane School booking me in for January 13th and my children's school Great Moor wanting me in even sooner on the 10th December ( and possibly even later to work on some projects with the children.) One Head teacher Kath Conwell rang me back almost straight away and asked

" Could I come tomorrow?"

So off I went to Adswood Primary School, and was instantly greeted by really enthusiastic receptionist's and the effervescent head herself. I was invited to attend the assembly which was more like an aerobics workout, with the children and teachers all singing and dancing along to Ronan Keeting's " Say nothing at all".

This made a really refreshing change from the tuneless durge we had to sing as kids all about the glory of everything. Assuming that I would only be there for about 30 mins, I started to read the Hairy Plug Monster to years 1 and 2 and again the same look of wonderment came over their faces as I read about the monster under the bath.

As soon as I read the book, Kath and the pupils demanded that I read it again, and then the follow up The HPM goes to town. So it proved to be a really enjoyable experience. I was then asked if "I had time would like to read to the rest of the school"

Brilliant

So starting at the bottom, I worked my way up through the classes before finally ending at year 6, who although were above the intended age group loved the story and the interaction with a "real author". Each class had lots of questions and a year 4 class even based the following lesson on creating stories around the Hairy Plug Monster - which they then passed over to me the next day.

I dont know who was the more grateful - them or me. getting the chance to read to over 180 kids was an experience, as well as interacting with a more than enthusiastic audience. Finally 4 hours later, Kath advised that each year she bought a present for the children and could she buy my book?

what she meant was could she buy a copy of my book for every single pupil in the school ?

WOW, not a problem at all, I told that to make it a bit more personal, I would be more than happy to dedicate each book personally as it was the least I could do. So two days later I came back with three huge boxes of books and sat down in the office with a list of names.

As I was signing them, every so often pupils would come up and say "hi" and tell me how much they liked the Plug Monster and "could I read it again?".

"In fact I could do better than that" I told them and organised with the head if I could test drive all my material on the school and get their response. Grass roots market research. I realised that having a group of 60 somethings sat round a table in a boardroom somewhere discussing the merits of my book, is so far removed Now if that isn't going to inspire me to write then I dont know what will.

So after selling a gazillion books as Christmas presents I came home feeling rather chuffed with myself and had an email from Craig in the US, who advised me that the Japanese may offer us a licensing deal to cover the whole of SE Asia and Australia. I cant tell you the nutz and boltz, suffice to say if it comes off then we will be well on the way to global exposure within 5 years.

There is talk of an animated version of the Hairy Plug Monster, and given my contacts in Russian T.V it may well expedite selling the program at least to the Russians.

Obviously with all this good news about there needs to be a balance. Unfortunately it came in the guise that Borders have gone into administration, initially throwing my intended reading into disarray. However they assured me that the reading will still go ahead and I should still turn up...whether they pay me for the books that they have already had remains to be seen.

From what I can gather there will be quite a posse on Saturday so if your planning on coming it may be pertinent to get there early.

Bookings for the coming few weeks

Nov 28 Stockport Borders
Dec 6th Waterstones Trafford Centre
Dec 10 Great Moor Junior School
Dec 13 Waterstones Stockport
Jan 13 Lisburne Lane School

Money cant buy some things - like the attention of a five year old

2009-11-23T23:49:00.003Z

After the highs of the recent weeks, the Hairy plug Monster machine was bought firmly back down to earth on Thursday with a reading in the newly refurbished Fruit Cake Cafe bar in Alderley Edge, Cheshire.

Not in a bad way ,you understand but it became apparent that unless you have the santuary of a school or bookstore, it is very very hard to get the attention of a 5 year old - especially when you are in competition with about fifty other toys and games. Having tried very hard to inspire the " young hudlum's " with the exploits of the HPM for nearly an hour, I finally managed to read to one girl who was only there because her mum took pity on me and made her sit there while I read. Even Maya and Arisha, the most loyal of followers were led astray by the lure of of the flashing-plastic-bleeping-bits-and-bobs.. It wasn't a totally wasted night, as we still managed to sell a few books, but oh the ignominy of it all.

I received the pictures from Park Road Primary School after I left them with a brief to illustrate Be Careful Ethel which will go on the website when I get chance to catch up with myself. Unfortunately the blog doesn't seem to want to upload the images for some reason and If I stop now, I will never finish this weeks entry.

As it happens there is not much else to say, I have began my assault on the schools of Stockport in a bid to book a few readings before the Christmas brake and maybe prompt a few of them to ask for it as a Christmas Present. Following the succesful reading at Waterstones in Macclesfield I have also decided to try and take take on the Waterstones empire at the weekend.

Confirmed Dates so far include:

24th November Adswood Primary School
28th November Borders Stockport
6th December Waterstones Traffod Centre
13th December Waterstones Stockport

Finally, the HPM made it debut on T.V albeit a very brief one, however for the few seconds it was on at least 1m women would have seen it, on prime time ITV.

www.hairyplugmonster.com

Is the Hairy Plug Monster ready to go global? http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

2009-11-13T09:20:00.014Z

The reading on Saturday 7th at the Macclesfield branch of Waterstones went exceptionally well - and although the turnout wasn't quite how I imagined it to be (after seeing such things on the T.V.) we managed to sell quite a lot of books.

Apparently we are outselling Julia Donaldson at the moment in the Macclesfield branch.

We also had a visit from local author Simon Waring who passed over a short passage from his latest fantasy novel going under the working title of " The Dark Approach" aimed at the more discerning 12-16 year old.

Following the successful reading - we then went over to the nearby delicatessen to celebrate in true Plug Monster style with coffee and cake and lo and behold the choice of venue was exactly how I pictured the bakers in the next release " The Hairy Plug Monster goes to Town".

While I was there we started chatting to some random people behind us who, it turned out had missed the reading but still wanted a copy of the book - so there I was signing books in the middle of the bakers while Kul took pictures for the blog.

Earlier on in the week I made my way to Park Lane Primary School in Sale and read to an extremely well behaved class of year 1's and 2's who devoured the tales of both the Hairy Plug Monster and Be Careful Ethel before I left them with the task of producing images of how they thought the pictures in Be Careful Ethel should look like.

Oddly enough, the mother of a pupil there, Morgan - was a former schoolmate, and this weekend she celebrated her 40th with a "shindig" at a local Rugby club. Having blagged an invite by association, the whole family went and were greeted by not only Morgan but her friend Megan who were both very excited at the prospect of "Maya" from the book and the writer coming to the party.

It seems that the Plug Monster has left a good impression, and even Megan's parents told me they had ordered the book through the school and couldn't wait to read it.

Finally and perhaps more importantly, a trans global company with their foundations in Japan, emailed me on Monday night, to express an interest in representing HPM MEDIA ltd in Japan, with a view to producing a 3d cartoon of the HPM and other titles. The implications of this are huge and could accelerate the global awareness for the HPM brand beyond imagination.

It is still very early days where this is concerned, although they are very enthusiastic about getting the ball rolling as soon as possible. Dare I say that it is becoming more a question of "when" rather than "if" .

The Hairy Plug Monster goes to Town

2009-11-07T01:17:00.002Z

Last week started in the most bizarre fashion as both myself and the girls took part in a world record attempt in the centre of Manchester. All over the world "Zombies" have become the new vampires and "Zombie Aid" - the brainchild of Carl Whiteley went to try and smash the world record attempt in three different areas.

1. The largest gathering of Zombies in one area
2. The largest gathering of Zombies dancing to Micheal Jackson's Thriller
3. The greatest number of Zombies in a shopping mall

This required like-minded souls to dress up as Zombies and gather at Manchester's Printworks for a group stroll around the town, much to the amusement of mortal onlookers.

Brilliant - is the only word I can use to describe the whole day. Unfortunately, the record was missed, but this might have been due to the typical cold, wet Manchester weather "bigging itself up". Thankfully it stayed dry for most of the walk, which was rounded off with a " crawl through the Arndale Centre" in true Giorgio Romero fashion.

Trying to integrate myself back in the land of the living was difficult as each time I closed my eyes, "I see dead people", however a brief stint in the countryside the following day listening to Bhangra and performing extreme gardening brought me back from the dead.

My second school visit was booked for Tuesday at Park Road Primary School in Sale, and again it went down really well. I started off reading The Hairy Plug Monster, with the opening

"Where does the bath water go?" and received lots of really sensible answers from the
Year 1 and Year 2's, which I took great delight in dispelling with the story. After which I read the follow up - "The HPM goes to Town" for the first time, which also went down rather well.

We then had a question and answer session, with the main question being "Is there really a monster under the bath?", so job done.

I set the pupils a small task of drawing some illustrations for Be Careful Ethel which are on the way back to me as I write, and will be scanned onto the website next week. More importantly was the invitation from the school to sell the books through them to the pupils, and they are going to include it on the next parents newsletter.

On the subject of sales, we are starting to feel the effect of the mailshot last week to Waterstones, with a steady trickle of orders throughout the week. Which was then underlined with an order for 30 from Borders in Stockport. That magical figure of 500 is getting closer by the day.

More importantly is the interest that has been shown from a Japanese and American party, who may want to licence the Hairy Plug Monster in the Far East, I had my first joint Skype conference on Wednesday morning as a means of introducing myself and gave them a list of sales projections and figures. To tell the truth, I think they were expecting a greater volume of sales, but I explained that HPM Media Ltd is a start up company with a staff of 2, and most of the sales have been on a local basis. All may not be lost though, as the American contingent may want to commission me to write children's stories exclusively for the Japanese market, with a possibility to earn royalties at a later date.

With a reading on Saturday 7th at Waterstones in Macclesfield together with the fun-day at Borders i am really confident that by Christmas we could already be close to that 1000 sales target.
http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

Full Steam ahead, on the SS Hairy Plug Monster

2009-10-28T09:22:00.002Z

http://hairyplugmonster.com

Events took a turn for the better this week at the HPM HQ, with Waterstones accepting The Hairy Plug Monster into their catalogue. We now have permissionto contact each of their 350 shops to see if they want to stock the Hairy Plug Monster.

The only downside that I can see is that I have 350 letters to put in 350 envelopes,then lick 350 stamps before trying to fit 350 letters inside an already bulging post pox. The fact that the postmen go on strike tomorrow for a few days is slightly worrying but it cant be helped.

We are hoping that each one of the shops recognises the appeal of the HPM and orders at least three for the Christmas rush. Once they are on the bookshelves then they should be there for good with repeat orders over and over again.

If that wasn't enough, we were contacted by a Japanese company who requested a meeting with us to see if the Hairy Plug Monster was a viable product for the Japanese market. (incidentally, the Japanese market for English books is the second largest in the world.) so fingers crossed eh.

If both Waterstones and Japan come to fruition, it would be a company maker, that's for sure, and would go a long way towards the publication of the next three books The Hairy Plug Monster goes to town, Be Careful Ethel and The Marvelous Mouse.

In a different vein, I have been made officially the head of Swerve Electrik,(the dance department of Swerve Records) and am organising a series of releases with my cohort Barrington Stuart. The game plan is to release 2 tunes a month over the web and build up a web presence for the label. Swerve have hooked up with Free-St8 recordz ( Soly and Mo) who are Internet media guru's and have the fingers firmly on the pulse of SEO.

The first release Nude Ep by Static Island, is languishing at present as most of my energies have been concentrated on the HPM but a sneak listen can be heard at http://myspace.com/staticisland12

We are getting there

2009-10-20T23:07:00.003+01:00

Its getting rather busy at the HPM office, fresh on the heels of the filming for Tonight with Trevor Mcdonald (to be broadcast on the 23rd November ) has come an invite to give a reading at Borders in Stockport on the 28th November and sign a few books, with a reading at Waterstones Wilmslow on the 21st to do the same,

The 8th is taken with a reading in Alderley Edge Village and we have several new orders in - everyone loves the book and at this rate we should hit our humble target of 500 before Christmas quite easily. ( I know 500 doesn't sound a lot but given the size of our publishing house - me and mum and our advertising budget of 50.00 I am pretty impressed.)

On the 3rd November I have a reading at Park Lane Primary School in Sale, so I am being quite the Author.

It is now possible to see clips of The Hairy Plug Monster on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=729zjTWAX5M set to some really funky music and we have an article in the Stockport Independant Times (available for free at all the big suoermarkets) for their next edition

Hairy Plug Monster Chili and Walnut Treacle Toffee

2009-10-17T10:51:00.002+01:00

http://hairyplugmonster.com

Not being particularly interested in fireworks and big huge fires, I am more inclined to stay by the outdoor buffet on November 5th -

But one thing I have noticed is that whilst fireworks have evolved, the mainstay of November 5th hasn't changed that much - I am talking about Treacle Toffee.

You know, those irregular pieces of sticky, tasteless chunks of toffee that serve only to stick your gums together and pull out most of your fillings, and generally leave you wondering "why you bothered"

However the HPM was keen to pass on this original recipe for toffee that bites back, and a perfect accompaniment to the Ginger Beer mentioned previously.

The Hairy Plug Monster Chili and Walnut Treacle Toffee
(Caution this recipe will most definitely contain nuts - if you put them in)

50g Crushed Walnuts
1/4 Fresh medium sized red chili finely chopped ( the strength of the toffee is dependant on your resolve - please bear in mind you are making toffee and not a Vindaloo)
450g Soft Brown Sugar
225g Black Treacle
110g Unsalted Butter
2 tbsp Water
1 tbsp White Vinegar

Place half of the butter into a heavy bottomed saucepan together with the chopped chili and crushed walnuts and warm for a few minutes on a low heat.

Then add the rest of the butter, water and vinegar and heat gently until the butter has melted.

Add the sugar and black treacle, allow to fully dissolve, this takes about 20 minutes.

Boil the mixture to a temperature of 138°C (Not having a thermometer I take my best guess at the temperature, making sure I don't burn it)

Remove from the heat, allow the bubbles to settle.

Pour the mixture into a well oiled 18cm (7 inch) sandwich tin.

When the mixture has cooled a little mark the surface into squares with a knife.

When cold break into squares, wrap in cellophane and store in an airtight container.

That's it - it might not score any brownie points with your dentist - but your kids will love it

2009-10-13T21:23:00.003+01:00

Banks Lane Infant School invited me to perform a reading for a class of young fidgety critics last Thursday, and honoured me by introducing me as a writer. (which I suppose I am).

In I walked hiding behind the head and almost felt apologetic for interrupting their lesson. After the how-do-you-do's were all over I sat down in the story-telling chair and asked.

Does anyone know where the bathwater goes when you pull out the plug?

"the water goes into the drain " they said

No it doesn't - does anyone know where it really REALLY goes?

and at that moment I knew I had them captivated.

What's that noise ........I began - and before I knew it the story about The Hairy Plug Monster was over and the class gave me a round of applause.

I gave a sneak reading of Be Careful Ethel and asked the children if they wanted to draw pictures for the story. I think they were more impressed with the fact that I told them that they were the only people in the whole world to have heard it.

On the same day Kul was invited to CCR - FM.co.uk for and interview and a chat and managed to hog the airwaves for 50 minutes, with The Hairy Plug Monster being mentioned at least 20 times, stranger still, was hearing someone talk about you and the people you know on the radio.

We managed to sell a fair number of books at a craft fair organized by members of the a local networking group The Happy Mondays (no not them - the other Happy Mondays who are a group of business savvy mums who get together and swap ideas..... that's all I know ) under the even catchier name "Made by Mummy".

So it was quite a week, especially as part of it was missed due to me being in Italy (where we also sold a couple of books) for my 40th. In terms of sales it was a brilliant week although slightly tainted by a small run of misfortune where the T.V, the Toyota and even the toilet died in a relatively short space of time. (The toaster still works). If that wasn't enough the week ended with a short cold and red nose.

Hairy Plug Monster sponsors mini chocolate eclairs

2009-10-07T20:02:00.002+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

"If there is one thing that the HPM craves more than anything else it's

Mini Chocolate Eclairs

Since meeting Maya, his days of eating "bubble bath sandwiches" are long gone - and as "shop - o - late" eclairs are just not tasty enough, I had to ask my sister Karon for a recipe that will satiate his emormous appetite.

110g Plain flour
175ml water
½ tsp salt
75g butter
3 eggs beaten

150 mls whipped cream
100gms Couverture Chocolate melted
(yeh, I didn't know what it was either, so I "wikied" it )http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couverture_chocolate　

To make choux pastry:
Preheat oven to 180° c

Boil water and butter, add flour and salt and mix to a smooth paste, until the paste leaves the sides of the pan and allow the flour to cook out.

Transfer to a clean cool bowl and let the mixture cool.

When it is cool, start to beat in the eggs one at a time until you have a smooth dropping consistency, that is pipeable.

Fit a large plain piping nozzle to a piping bag and pipe in lines about 4 cm long onto a greased baking tray. Bake for 30 -35 minutes until the éclairs are golden brown take them out and allow to cool
　
To assemble:
Place a thin piping nozzle into a piping bag and pierce a hole in the bottom of the éclairs.

Pipe in the whipped cream and top them with the chocolate

How easy is that?

Radio Plug

2009-09-23T10:13:00.003+01:00

The promotional boulder we are pushing is slowly starting to move, with an appearance on the Becky Want Show for BBC Radio Manchester. To be honest it wasn't a great interview - although I did look rather good in my new clothes. It was strange though to walk ino a building and see Gordon Burns walking past, followed not long after by Dave Spikey.

There is a definite need to work on my media technique, having spent most of the last year behind a PC and becoming a bit reclusive. I suppose it doesn't help if you dont really watch t.v. either, perhaps I should ask my friend Coleen for some pointers.

Toys and Tales in Bramhall www.toysandtales.com have sold a couple of books and said that the book was read out during storytime and was well received. Of of the parents who bought The Hairy Plug Monster was really enthusiastic and gave a glowing report to the bookstore.

Banks Lane Infant School have invited me to do a reading to the children on Thursday October 8th at 14.30 so it will give me a good chance to read the follow up The Hairy Plug Monster Goes to Town.

It seems that my luck is starting to change again after winning tickets on XFM radio to see " HOCKEY" play live at the Academy, unfortunately it is also Arisha's birthday so it looks like my brother is going to be benefitting from my success as I will be up to my eyeballs in cake mixture.

buy my book - its ace

2009-09-17T01:13:00.003+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

My interview with BBC Radio Manchester has been rescheduled for next Tuesday, which should hopefully give me a bit more time to prepare. Since I turned my back on office work and spoon feeding the general public with information, I had let myself slip into a tradesman's look, with unkempt hair and slightly dubious fingernails.

This kind of look, however, does not endear me to Headteachers and Shopkeepers, so I have voluntarily swapped my cut off jeans for proper trousers, and cement crusted t-shirts with curious aroma's for cotton shirts

. In short, I have adopted a salesman kind of look ( only without the American straight white teeth) as I try to sell The Hairy Plug Monster to the shopkeepers of the world.

I think I have made a favourable impression with the staff at Borders, and managed to come to a deal with Woodsmoor Post Office, whereby they will put up an advert for the book inviting people to order it through them, and I just drop them off as and when. Because of the location, its only two minutes out of my life and with the slowly building publicity at Great Moor Infant School they may get a lot of parents coming in to buy it.

The second edition of The Hairy Plug Monster is now listed on Amazon 5.99, with a great review even if there is no picture to go with it. I am still trying to get my head around the vendor side of e-commerce, although given time and a few fulfilled orders I expect I will become a dab hand at it.

In the real world, we are slowly getting more and more stockists, but it all seems agonizingly slow ( even though it has only been week for the 2nd edition) hopefully I will look back on this time with fond memories when I remember having time to write a blog. ( As I will be too busy doing writer "stuff") -

Buy my book !! it's ace.

Hairy Plug Monster Himalyan Balsam and Oat Biscuits.

2009-09-14T00:36:00.008+01:00

Around about this time of year, scores of well meaning Sunday Warriors put on their wellies and head for the countryside with a single malicious intent.

""TO BASH THE BALSAM""

I have often been tempted to join then, but have always found something else better to do with my time, after all. its not an easy task

Impatiens Glandilifera to give it its proper name, is an aggressive wildflower that is slowly but surely overpowering the indigenous flora.

Helped by it's powerful seed dispersal system that causes the pod to explode when the seeds are ready, launching the seeds over a fairly large distance. Even now, as I approach my forties - I still get the same pleasure when I trigger one of these pods - just as I did when I was a boy.

Attempts at slowing down the spread of Himalayan Balsam seen ineffective and as a former landscaper, the progress that the "Balsam Bashing Hoodies" make is pitiful and even over that last few years, the spread in my "neck of the woods" has been quite alarming.

However, during this year I have become more aware of wild foods that are growing around us and regularly venture out with my daughters to harvest what ever we can find, to take home and sample. When I am unsure, I will get a plant ident from about four separate sources on google so I can find out its properties, and when I am totally satisfied that the plant is edible - I will try some.

Sometimes we get lucky and discover something that is both edible and more importantly, tasty.

One of my favourite web sites http://www.eatweeds.co.uk/ had link to a fellow forager who had published a recipe using Himalayan Balsam seeds as a base for a curry..... cool.

Yesterday was time to harvest. As quite a lot of the seed pods were ripe, Arisha gently bent the stem while I put a plastic bag over the flower head and collected quite a lot of seeds with relative ease. It wasn't long before it seemed like we had enough and went home.

The seeds looked like those tiny licorice IMPS they used to sell and when eaten raw, bore a really strong resemblance to a walnut in taste. After I had seperated the seeds from the rest of the pods I had about 200g of seeds which I then toasted in a dry frying pan.

They stayed on my kitchen top for a day, until late Sunday night, when I decided to experiment, and think I invented The Hairy Plug Monster Balsam and Oat Biscuit.

The whole process was quite lax, and the measurements are vague, but here goes:

Cream some butter with some sugar, then mix in some oats and plain flour with a pinch of salt.

Add the Balsam seeds and conbine the mixture into a firm ball.

Allow to rest in the fridge, before rolling out on a clean surface and cutting into small biscuits.

Bake in the oven at 200 for 15 minutes, turn the biscuits over and bake for another 5 minutes

Remove biscuits from the oven and allow to cool.

That is all you need to do - the result is a "hob-nobbishly" biscuit with a distinct nutty taste rather similar to seseme or sunflower seeds... ( if you cannot make head nor tail of my recipe, substitute it for a general biscuit one )

At a rough guess I probably used about 1000 seeds, so if everybody makes one batch of biscuits, it will take care of the balsam problem. More importanly though, the seeds will more than likely have the same nutritional properties as other seeds and it seems scandalous to destroy this free source of protein, instead of harvesting it and inhibiting the spread.

Balsam Bashing doesn't seem to work, but I think that if more people knew about the other properties then there may be a chance to protect the countryside, whilst at the same time make use of this invasive but tasty plant.

I would be interested to know what ideas other people come up with, I think that there is probably another two weeks before the season will finish, so I am going out again to harvest more seeds and come up with even more recipes.

One final note though, because at the end of the day Himalayan Balsam is invasive, please be careful where you discard the green waste. It is not advisable to put it in a compost bin.

Awesome, simply awesome - you should see the new edition of The Hairy Plug Monster

2009-09-08T18:04:00.004+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/ Today was a rather hectic affair, we took delivery of 5000 copies of the second edition run of The Hairy Plug Monster and they look awesome. I cant praise the printers Stephens and George enough, who have produced a world class product. Without trying to sound too much like an "ebayer" I would recommend them to anyone who has aspirations to bring out a book. in fact anyone who needs any largescale printing done.

We have a larger format, better font and the finish on the front cover is to die for. Toys and Tales in Bramhall http://www.toysandtales.com/ have become the first official stockist of the HPM and hopefully the first of many. Two more copies were dropped off at Pownall Green and Banks Lane Infant schools today, together with a covering letter about how I was a former pupil and how I would like to thank them for the time I spent there with a copy of my book....

Pownall Green especially, owe me one because when I was 11 together with a girl called Susan Champion, we won the Stockport Book Quiz and with it a copy of Hans Christian Anderson tales for myself and 200.00 worth of books for the school. In hindsight it probably ranks as one of my greatest academic achievements.

The hard work starts tomorrow in earnest with a new career change as a book promoter, to be honest I am slightly overawed with the whole thing. It would be nice to just write the buggers and let someone more capable than me do the silver tongue selling, but then it wouldn't be my publishing company.

I need to get hold of a list of book shops and schools and write to them one by one, extolling the virtues of the HPM and its rightful place in modern literature... Its just a question of getting the message out there,

On the plus side, I have managed to track down a really good friend who I have not seen since I left school, and while I have been flirting with the dregs of society (as well as being a good family man) she has got her head down and is now someone big at the beeb. So apart from renewing an old friendship, she might have some proper advice I can follow, rather than the badly written tutorials from other peoples blogs.

In fact considering I went to a state school, almost all the people I grew up around have gone on to be leaders in their own right with one thing and another. For instance one girl captained the England Hockey Team whilst another is on t.v. everyday advertising a phone company ( she was in my drama group as well - so I like to think that she may have got a little bit of her talent from me....not) - even my first love went on to be the hirer and firer at THE bake bean company.

Newsflash

2009-08-31T23:26:00.002+01:00

From Thursday 3rd September, it will no longer be possible to buy signed first edition copies of The Hairy Plug Monster from the website. In fact Ebay will be your best bet, to get a first edition. However, in its place will be the brand new - bigger, shinier, cheaper second edition which, should slowly become available at all good bookshops and of course our website. www.hairyplugmonster.com

Book Distributors for The Hairy Plug Monster..... and other stuff

2009-08-22T00:35:00.007+01:00

http://www.blogspot.com/hairyplugmonster

Apologies for the slow up date, but the Ashes are on, the football season has started and I have had a few more assignments to do. Its been a slow but productive week with The Hairy Plug Monster and other projects - Its difficult to know where to start.

Firstly the Theme for The Hairy Plug Monster is well underway and a visit to Darkline Studio's is on the horizon. As the family are still in Russia I took full advantage of the fact and spent the early hours of Tuesday morning writing music with my jamming buddy "Waterbear" and thrashed out 3 completely diverse but almost brilliant pieces of music one indy soul, one thrash and one Jazz n Bazz track.

I have been playing e-mail tennis with Wayne from Stephens and George http://www.stephensandgeorge.co.uk/ with a pdf., and after the 6th Proof the HPM was finally signed off ready to be printed.

We reckon that in just over a week, the HPM will be ready to go national with 5000 copies waiting to be read. We still have a few first editions (with the punctuation mistakes) which will one day make a good return on ebay ( it might sound optomistic but everyone expects The Hairy Plug Monster to be around for years and those signed first editions are definitley going to be worth something ) http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

I have contacted possible book distributors ( Scholastic, Bertrams etc.) and even managed to pre-sell SOR copies to TOYS n TALES in Bramhall.http://www.toysandtales.com/ .

Now that I have no more deadlines for the time being I can concentrate more on The Hairy Plug Monster and getting it into libraries, schools and bookshops - even supermarkets (well every little helps ! doesn't it).

I was called by a young lady called Emily from Pure Radio 107.8 MHz http://www.pureradio.org.uk/ who had been told by Kay from BBCBelfast about the book and asked if I wanted to do an interview for her radio show. ....er o.k.

So off I popped to the Radio Station and had my first real interview,....thankfully it wasn't live, as my "media technique" is pretty poor. Anyway we talked a little about me and The Hairy Plug Monster and then read some of the book. There was talk of mum (Kul Cuthbert) appearing on Womans hour on Imagine FM Radio quite soon but I am unsure of the details. (but I will let you know)

So in a nutshell that's about it, as soon as anything happens I will write again, I am even toying with the idea of trying to make this blog a bit more " happening" by pictures and the like but its a little way off yet. I have started to include links for those that have them on the blog as a way of saying thank you for their support.

Christmas number 1 - The Hairy Plug Monster is letting his hair down

2009-08-16T00:16:00.005+01:00

Buy one of the last remaining First Edition copies of the Hairy Plug Monster by clicking here.......http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

or here http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/

but whatever you do

DO NOT CLICK HERE http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/.

So with the family away for August, I have been given a set list of chores that need to be completed before they come back, and like every good husband should do.....I have completely ignored it. Preferring instead to spend all of last week pursuing my other passion....Music.

I cant remember if I have mentioned it before, but I am a bit fly (not too much mind) on the keyboard and enjoy nothing better than plugging in and losing myself completely with the headphones on.

As August seems to be the only time I can really play ( mainly because inspiration doesn't happen before midnight) I have not been going to bed until silly o'clock at night. This in turn has led to me missing the mornings... which unfortunately is when I tend to write mostly. Subsequently I have been waking up and then turning the keyboard back on and playing until dawn the following day.

Anyway, a few months back I answered an online ad from Swerve Records, who were looking for a keyboard player to work on a new project with them. After a quick audition they were moderately impressed with my abilities and offered me a contract.

(This might sound really good, but without an advance - a record contract is pretty worthless especially if there insn't a studio to record in. )

This week however, Swerve Records have bought Darkline Studios in Warrington and are now in a position to release my material. This is where I encountered a slight problem, - I haven't really got any new material ready to release apart from one really funky tune.

Not being content with launching The Hairy Plug Monster, I am also launching a musical career and have been stressing about how I am going to keep the two things seperate. Today though, I have decided to scrap that approach and join the two projects together and use this tune as promotional material for the book, and vice -versa.

So just as the Wombles did in the 70's I am going to release " The theme from The Hairy Plug Monster" ( quite a catchy title dont you think?) and hope that it can boost the profile of its namesake. In a perfect world it could be the christmas number 1 at the same time that the book is..... now wouldn't that be nice.. eh?

*****

With most of the countries children on holiday, its been a relatively quiet week for the Hairy Plug Monster...one of the few things of any note, has been the preliminary stages of getting the second book in the series "The Hairy Plug Monster goes Shopping" off the p.c. and for Sam Perry to apply his magic and bring the story to life, there is a chance that we could go into production and have them ready for distribution by November, although getting them into the shops before Christmas might prove a bit tricky.

After a slow start - being newcomers to the publishing business, HPM MEDIA Ltd are slowly finding their feet and should receive the next batch of books from the printers within the next two weeks. The illustrations and verse remain unchanged but the second edition should be slightly larger than the first ( making bedtime reading easier).

So thats really it for this week, apart from the second book and the new theme tune there isn't really much to tell you...

Best Childrens Book in ages?

2009-08-06T02:00:00.003+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

It's been a hectic week or so,

In the life I live when I am not the children's laureate-in-waiting I have had to juggle a lot of "stuff" most notably being my family going away for a month back to Russia, leaving me with a lot of free time to write,

one of the other projects I am involved in is freelance writing for a lady down in London, who sets me assignments to write which, then involves thinking up questions based on the articles (which is really hard).

So for the last two weeks I had 39 assignments to complete and quite amazingly I did it. 39 assignments is usually pretty tough going, but when you factor in the running around you have to do to prepare you for your family's vacation, it does place a lot of pressure on you. Nevertheless I soldiered on an look on schedule ( which is surprising for me) only to have my karma interrupted again by a surprise visit from my sister - (All the way from Australia) which again meant me rearranging everything.

So again I managed to juggle family life and subsequent family meals with my assignments hoping to steal a moment or so to write the blog.....only to be struck down mid week with a possible mild form of Swine Flu.

Unfortunately I don't have the time to be ill so I turned to my mystic healing sauces (olive oil, honey and Apple cider vinegar) and to my surprise, even though the illness stayed with me for a few days, it didn't get me down at all. So now everybody has gone, I am feeling a lot better and the assignments are finished, so I am going to write my blog.

To start off The Hairy Plug Monster went on the radio on Sunday on Canalside Community Radio www.ccrfm-co.uk based in the idyllic village of Bollington. Simon Edlestein the DJ asked me to come on and talk a little bit about the book and even offer a couple as competitions prizes. So that is good exposure

I then found out that a friend of a friend works for BBC Belfast , and she was very interested in The Hairy Plug Monster and requested a copy - I received her reply today
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love it!!!! Bl**dy brilliant - clearly that cant go in a review but its true, fantastic.

Got to go into production meeting soon so I'll send proper review later - fab! x

*********** BBC Belfast Ormeau Avenue Belfast BT6 0GR T: 02890 338 186 E:

I blanked out her name for the time being just to give her a chance to write a real review.

Next came the news that 2 books i gave to Colleen Nolan's family have captivated her daughters so I am trying to illicit a review from her ...... apparently "Celebrity Sells"

Then I found out that the OWNER of Galaxy 102 Radio thinks the book is fantastic and his children are looking in the bath for The Hairy Plug Monster, then someone posted a video on You Tube of their daughter opening her birthday presents, and low and behold guess what was in the little bag of goodies?..........yep thats right The HPM again,

but perhaps the best thing to happen were the reviews I received from Kate 6, Molly 8 and Emily aged 8 who had taken the time to write to me and each tell me how much they like the book, pictures and illustrations. unfortunately I haven't had time to scan them in yet but I will do it tomorrow and add it to the blog and website. So that's it for today, but don't forget the hairy plug monster is available to buy from www.hairyplugmonster.com price 7.68 +P&P first edition and signed copies. There are only a dozen or so of the original copies left, and I am sure that they will go

The Hairy Plug Monster's recipe for Ginger Beer, made with a home grown ginger beer planthttp://www.thehairyplugmonster.com

2009-07-30T21:34:00.008+01:00

The Hairy Plug Monster's Recipe for Ginger Ale (made with a home grown ginger ale plant)

Equipment

A jar and lid which is big enough to contain the plant a (large mayonnaise jar is perfect for this)

a pint-sized measuring jug

Several clean and dry two-litre plastic bottles. (if you cant find any, your local supermarket usually has tap water in large bottles for about 10p, which in a way is also pretty handy, because you can use the water later)

Teaspoons

A large pan ( the larger the better)

A fine cloth for straining the plant (The weapon of choice is Muslin, but my friend who passed this recipe to me has used terry nappies in the past.....so basically anything will do.)

Ingredients

Dried ginger powder

Dried yeast

Sugar, the type of sugar you use will affect the final taste, in the batch I made I used a raw demerara, which produced a subtle caramel effect.
Juice of four lemons

Water

Making the Plant

The plant is a mixture of dried ginger, yeast, sugar and water. This creates a yeast culture.

In the jar, place one teaspoon of dried yeast, two teaspoons of dried ginger, four teaspoons of sugar and a pint (600ml) of cold water.

Stir and keep at room temperature.

Feed the plant every day with two teaspoons of dried ginger and four teaspoons of sugar. Stir after feeding. ( it is that easy

The plant will be ready after one week.

Making the Ginger Ale

Place 1kg (2lb) of sugar and two pints of boiling water in the large pan. The sugar will dissolve.
Add the juice of the four lemons to the pan.

Strain the contents of the jar - the plant - through the cloth into the pan.( See below for what is to be done with the solid portion of the plant.) Trust me you need to seriously resist the temptation to try the sediment, it is definitely YAK material

Add 14 pints of room temperature water. ( if your pan wont take 14 pints, then you need to do a bit of maths, and split the mixture, this is where the bottled tap water comes in handy, it makes for easy calculation)

Stir the mixture and transfer to the bottle. Fill the bottles about seven-eighths full as you need to allow for expansion.(I cannot stress how important this bit is)

Squeeze the air out of the bottles to stop them exploding under pressure from their contents.( and this is pretty important toooo)

Store the bottles in a safe place at room temperature, and leave for three to four weeks to 'brew'.

Discard half of the solid from the plant or give it to someone so they may start their own. (yeh but dont forget to tell them where you got the recipe )

Place the remaining half in a clean jar with a pint of water and continue to feed as above. and start the whole process over again.

My own results were surprisingly very good, although I did shake a bottle out of curiosity and then opened it about 10 mins later ....KABOOOOOOM all over the place,

I have since learnt that, if you open the bottle really, really slowly and let the gas ease itself out you have set yourself up for a damn fine drink.

I have this recipe on email as well. so if you want to have a try, email.... info@hairyplugmonster.com

The next batch I make I might cut down slightly on the sugar, but increase the ginger by a milli -smidge, and when I get brave enough I will start adding other spices like cinammon and cayene pepper to get that firery throat that a good ginger ale should posess

There is one less "big box of books" in the house www.hairyplugmonster.com

2009-07-20T23:31:00.004+01:00

I almost didn't get to write this blog because I thought for a long time about turning the title of this post into a poem - I don't know why but I got all "Seussy" for a second - anyway I can do that later , first, I will just fill you in on the events of the past couple of days.

We visited a printers in Wales last week, the upshot of which means that we probably have a reliable printer for the future. Knowing this I have applied for the new ISBN number and made contact with a few distributors, its nice to be able to sell the books on the website, but unless they know that THE HAIRY PLUG MONSTER exists, we are not going to move that many. That is where the distributors are going to come in handy and while we have to concede a large share of the book profits it will give more people the chance to read it.

Both Stockport Library and Stockport Schools Library have taken a fair number of copies, for which I am very grateful and the support I have been getting from Great Moor Infant School has been fantastic. One of the teachers read it out to her class, (who apparently loved it) then the rest of the Infant school was treated to a reading in assembly. So after three weeks we are starting to make inroads into the first edition and I am down to my last box of books.

I am in no doubt that, over time The Hairy Plug Monster will become an established book amongst young readers...I suppose the question is " how much time?"

The Hairy Plug Monster's favourite 8 layer chocolatey birthday cake recipe

2009-07-17T18:16:00.007+01:00

http://hairyplugmonster.com/

The HPM wanted to share his favourite birthday cake recipe with me....(subtlety is not his strongest point). At first I was rather reluctant to make it, after all its his cake but in the end, Maya and Arisha begged me to have a go.

It was so nice I have decided to share it with you all, its an old recipe that The HPM's granny used to make for him when he was younger. He asked me to change the font colour, to give you an idea of how "chocolaty" the cake is.

The Hairy Plug Monster's favourite chocolate birthday cake recipe.

100g (3 1/2 oz) of softened butter
225ml (7 1/2 oz) milk
1 tbsp lemon juice or vinegar
225g (8 oz) plain flour
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
50g (2oz) cocoa powder
250g (9oz) golden caster sugar
3 medium eggs beaten

Frosting
250g (9oz) good quality plain dark chocolate
3 tbsp golden caster sugar
300ml soured cream

Grease and base-line two 20cm (8 inch) sandwich tins with greaseproof paper, then don't forget to grease the paper

Pour the milk into a jug then add the lemon or vinegar and put on one side to go sour (SOUR !!! .....yuk). Sift together the flour and the bicarbonate of soda and the cocoa powder.

Cream the butter and half of the sugar together until it starts to go a bit pale, then add the rest of the sugar. Mix in the soured milk with the flour mixture about 2 tsbp at a time.

Divide the mixture between the sandwich tins and spread the mixture. Bake in the centre of the oven at 180 C or 160 C fan oven for 30 minutes. Leave the cakes in the tins for 10 minutes to coll slightly, and then put them out on a cooling rack.

To make the chocolate frosting break up all of the chocolate and melt in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of gently simmering water. Let it cool down slightly and whisk in the sugar and the soured cream.

Slice each cake in half to make 4 layers. Put one on a plate, then spread with a quarter of the mixture and then put another layer of cake, then a layer of mixture and so on.

With the remaining mixture cover the rest of the cake.

This cake generates a lot of washing up, but you can cut down on the time if you lick the spoons, bowls and whisk. (if you are going to lick the whisk, please remember to unplug it first.)

After trying out the "Hairy Plug Monster's favourite 8 layer chocolaty birthday cake " I give it 10/10.

A taster of the next HPM email your thoughts to info@hairyplugmonster.com

2009-07-16T00:45:00.004+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com

We’ve ran out of biscuits
and chocolate éclairs
Dad called up to Maya
From the foot of the stairs

Get your coat and your hat
And we’ll walk into town
We can do all the shopping
While mum's not around

Maya looked at her toys
At the foot of the bed
Can I bring a friend
Maybe dolly or Ted?

Yes replied Dad
As he stood in the hall
If you like, grab your bag
And you can - bring them all

So she picked up her bag
That was hung from her bed
Then In went the dolly
And in went her Ted

She went to the bathroom
And yelled in the plug
Would you like to go shopping
With me - Glug, Glug Glug

The hairy plug monster
Popped out of the tap
Wearing stripy pyjamas
And an old swimming cap

He hopped in the bag
And they went down the stairs
To pop to the shops
For more chocolate eclairs

Is the Hairy Plug Monster really that good?

2009-07-12T09:49:00.002+01:00

http://www.hairyplugmonster.com/reviews.html

We are a week into distribution and the response has been phenomenal, I have almost exhausted the first carton, with books being sent as far a field as Australia and even Derby!!!. and the feedback has been fantastic.

Perhaps the most surprising response came from the Great Moor Infant School Head who after having a quick read requested five copies for the school library - (talk about winning hearts and minds). My eldest daughter -Arisha-Jane, was asked to stand up in assembly and read the book to the whole school, (which makes her a lot braver than I) and the school newsletter ran a small piece about the Hairy Plug Monster as well.

One child even pointed me out to their parent and said " hey mummy that's the famous writer!". Not a single parent has come back and said that their disappointed with the book, although a few have voiced concerns that they are a bit disgruntled with having to read it over and over again.